The emptiness inside me
by Lunschen
Summary: My first story ever. An abusive Chase, a depressed Cameron and an housian House. Well, just read - I suck at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: - I own nothing :-(**

**A/N: **That´s my first fanfic. I think it takes place after _Lockdown _but don´t take me for granted because I haven´t watched House for a long time and I don´t think I will ever watch again. This is what I would like to see.

A big THANK YOU to everybody commenting my last oneshots! I love you guys, you make my day!

The emptiness inside me - Chapter 1

Here she sat, alone and lost in her thoughts. Her costume fit her perfectly. Every curve of her perfect body clad in awesome black velvet. What more could a girl want? She was beautiful and successful at the same time. Being Dean of medicine and hospital administrator at the age of 31 wasn´t bad (ok it was unbelievably good even though it was just a small hospital near Princeton; not as big and famous as the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital but who cares?). She really should be happy but she couldn´t be or wasn´t able to be anymore. Being successful, beautiful and rich didn't bring happiness; for a less damaged person maybe but not for Allison Cameron.

When she started working here she wanted- no needed- a distraction. Her life with Chase was the biggest mistake ever. After she went to Chicago he followed her and begged for forgiveness. Every day he stood in front of her building; bringing food, flowers, showering her with the attention she needed so badly and promising to make it all better. All he wanted was a second chance. She should have known better - she should have known HIM better. But one night she let him in - into her apartment, her bedroom and soon he was part of her life again. She didn´t even notice it at the beginning but she knew she needed it -him- needed to feel less lonely and more attractive; needed someone to fulfill her desires, her needs. It was okay, not wonderful, but okay. She was beyond believing that there´s a perfect love full of passion, rainbows and butterflies. It was good as it was.

But it couldn´t last forever - she knew this before. Chase couldn´t handle his murder. It haunted him. First in his sleep; then the thoughts of killing a man wouldn´t leave his head. One day he couldn´t take it anymore and began drinking again; first at night, then during work. They worked at the same hospital in Chicago. So Cameron did her work and his just to cover him. How stupid. She begged him to stop and one night she couldn´t take it anymore.

Chase was standing in the kitchen. Drunk. Again. Anger shone in his eyes when he saw her entering.

"Where have you been?" she whispered.

"Stop bothering me!"

"I can´t. Chase, I am worried. Please stop this. I can´t take it anymore. Please talk to me!"

"There´s nothing to talk about! Just shut up!" He turned and got himself a glass of Whiskey. How dare she talk to him like that? He couldn´t take it anymore - her niceness, her idealism and her strong ethical center. Seeing her standing there and looking hurt made it all worse. Why couldn´t she just leave him alone at this moment. WHY? It was too much. He didn´t even know how it happened but somehow he tossed the coffee maker across the room. The toaster and some glasses followed. He couldn´t think straight anymore; all he wanted was to destroy everything, to let the anger out and to scare her. He never noticed before but her scared face and the tears in her eyes satisfied him.

Thinking back brought tears to Cameron's eyes. She had never felt so scared and lonely before. Of course he apologized, begged her for forgiveness with tears in his eyes and promised to stop drinking. He kept his promises, but only for ten days, They were forgotten when he tossed the dishes at her and called her names she would never forget and that haunted her since then. Maybe he was right about what he said. Maybe it was really all her fault...

He never begged for forgiveness after that and she didn´t even think about pretending to love him. In fact, she started to plan her escape. She just needed the right moment. Her baggage was hidden under her bed, waiting for the right moment. The day she left was the worst day she ever had with Chase. She came home late and she was tired. Instead of finding only a drunken Chase in the bedroom she found a drunken Chase and two hookers lying lazily on his naked chest; all of them grinning at her. What happened afterwards she couldn´t even remember exactly because of the shock she was in. She still heard Chase telling her that this was what he needed; being satisfied. Something he never got from her. She was too nice and too shy to really make a man happy in bed. Then there was laughter and her world went black. When she came to she saw that Chase was asleep. She didn´t even have to think twice. She grabbed her bags and fled into the darkness of the night away from darkness in her old apartment but still she couldn´t get rid of the darkness inside her heart.

The rest was history. Somehow she found herself near Princeton. She wouldn´t admit it but it was the only real home she had ever known. She didn´t plan on becoming Dean but maybe it was fate. Who knows; who cares. She got the job because of her work under House (what else?). Working under House means that nothing could scare you. She was also known for her talent in organization; the perfect mix. So here she is. Whether she wants to be or not.

"Dr. Cameron? Dr. Cameron? I am sorry to interrupt but..."

Cameron stared in the direction of the voice. She didn´t even notice how far away she had been. Standing there in the middle of the office was her secretary Agnes; a young and naive girl but beautiful none the less. A younger version of Cameron one could think.

"You´re not interrupting anything, Agnes. Sorry I was thinking. What can I do for you?" she smiled at the young girl.

"I just brought you lunch. I noticed you haven´t eaten anything. You know it´s not the first time this week and so I thought I'd bring you something. Please don´t get offended. I was just worried," Agnes said looking shyly at the floor. She was really worried.

"You shouldn´t have done it but it´s very nice. Thank you. You know all paper work makes me forget to eat. No need to worry!"

Agnes placed the salad on the desk and went back to work. Cameron looked at her meal. She didn´t even know what it was like to be hungry. Once when Chase got home, drunk of course, he found her sitting in front of the TV with ice cream. She can still see the disgust on his face. He looked in her face with those cold blue eyes and said: "You´re eating? Again? Do you want to get even fatter? Look at you! I want the thin and beautiful Allison back again! But instead I got you! No wonder we´re not sleeping together anymore! Why should I fuck someone like you?" With this he slammed the bedroom door and went to bed leaving her crying. Now she was thinner than ever because his words haunted her and since that event she ate just enough to survive. He was right. She really was disgusting and that´s why she took the salad and threw it in the trash bin near her desk. An apple would be enough; enough for her. She didn´t deserve more.

Sighing again she closed her eyes. She felt exhausted and powerless. She shouldn´t be thinking so much. She should forget and move on but she had no strength to do so. She had no strength left at all. Moving on doesn´t make any sense when you have no reason to do so...

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So what do you think? Want more?


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you Miss Wooster and CSI-IRELAND for your wonderful comments! This chapter is for you!

**Chapter 2 **

Allison Cameron sat alone in her dark apartment and looked outside the window. The scenery was beautiful. The wind was blowing and it seemed the trees were dancing in the moonlight but she couldn´t enjoy it. She was exhausted and all she wanted was sleep. Unfortunately sleep wouldn´t come - not really something new. Like Mick Jagger said "You can´t always get what you want..." Her only wish at the moment was to escape for a couple of hours - to flee from this cruel world and to dream of a better world. A world without this loneliness, sadness and emptiness inside her heart.

Realizing that staring wasn´t really helping she decided to change into more comfortable clothes and go for a run. Not really a sensible idea in the middle of the night but she stopped caring about herself a long time ago. Running down the streets was her last chance to escape. It made her forget all her sorrows if only for an hour. She felt free then and could enjoy the silent nature around her. But tonight she couldn´t stop thinking. Thinking about her family - her parents were travelling a lot and there wasn´t really much space for her in their live - her brother who called sometimes to say hello but that was all - and she was thinking about her former friends - all forgotten through the years. It was the moment Allison realized how lonely she really was. She had no one. No one to talk about dreams, sorrows or fears. No one to spend time with after work or go shopping. She ran faster as if running away from her thoughts and her life. When she couldn´t breathe anymore she stopped, tried to calm herself and looked around.

As if it couldn´t get worse, she found herself standing in front of PPTH. The place she avoided the most because it was full of haunting memories but at the same time the only place that ever felt like home. The place she met HIM.

Cameron remembered every minute of her interview. How could she forget the moment their eyes met for the first time? It was like magic. It wasn´t love at first sight, no it was more like a moment full of passion and desire. His blue eyes bewitched her and she already could feel some kind of bond between them then. It seemed that he undressed her immediately. Not only had his eyes wanted to look through her clothes but into her soul. She couldn´t stop looking into those eyes and a desire she never felt before was sent through her body and straight into her core. She wished Wilson wasn´t there - not that she cared about what he was saying the whole time. Afterwards she dreamed a lot about that day. In every dream she was fucked on his desk. It wasn´t sweet and innocent but dirty and carnal. Allison never had those kinds of dreams before but one single look from House had changed her.

Still looking at the hospital, she didn´t even notice the storm that was coming closer. She was too deep in thoughts. Pictures of House invaded her - House taking her coffee, House checking her out, House standing far too close behind her, House making her laugh, House making her cry. House, House, House. He was everywhere. After such a long time, trying to forget him, he invaded her body and soul again. How could she be so stupid to think she could get past him? She always was his and always would be. It started with their first meeting and would end with her death. She was his.

At the beginning it was pure passion and desire but it didn´t take long to make it a lot more. He was a bastard and she couldn´t deny it but he also made her laugh. He pushed her but made her stronger at the same moment. He made her the confident and strong person she was before Chase destroyed her.

House was wrong when he told her that she needed him because he was damaged. She never wanted to change or repair him. All Allison Cameron wanted was to make him feel happier, to make him smile even for just a moment and to make him feel loved again. She didn´t want to nurse him but to be there for him and to ease his pain - the pain in his leg and the one in his heart and soul. Allison wanted to show him that he could trust her and that she wasn´t like Stacy. She wanted him happy.

Cameron hoped that Cuddy was his one true love. Of course the pain of thinking about their relationship almost killed her but if Cuddy made him happy, it was worth the pain. It was about him and his happiness. Allison didn´t believed that there was some kind of happiness left for her. So she hoped that at least he would find his inner peace.

Still standing outside in the middle of the storm, she couldn´t help but cry all the tears that were left. House would never be hers but she would always be his; no chance for a happy ending.

_Stop crying and pull yourself together, Allison. House would hate to see you like this, you stupid, naïve, little girl. _With this mantra she pulled herself together and ran as fast as she could back home.

Reaching her apartment, she was soaked and her whole body felt dead and cold. Taking a hot shower helped at least to warm her body. Looking at the clock she realized it was already after 3 o´clock. Only four hours left till work started again. Sighing, Allison looked in the mirror and saw a ghost with red puffy eyes that lost their shine a long time ago. Her skin was almost white and transparent. She never was that skinny before. At least she knew why House had never loved her. Who could fell in love with someone like her, especially when Cuddy was the alternative? A far better looking alternative with shining dark hair and eyes, bigger breasts and a confidence she would never have.

Hating herself even more she decided to stop her nightly dilemma and took her strong sleeping pills. _Fuck addiction and get some sleep. _

Lying in her bed she felt the drugs starting to work fast. Her body and soul calmed and she felt like she was drowning until the welcome feeling of sleep overtook her.

Meanwhile on the other side of Princeton...

_Cameron turned toward him and smiled that cute little smile that was so typical for her. He would never tell her but she was even more beautiful when looking at him like this. He couldn´t help but look into those blue-green eyes. _

_"Greg! Greg stop staring at me! Come on we have to go!" Laughing, she walked away. He wanted to follow her, really he wanted to, but something wouldn´t let him. He screamed her name over and over again but she wouldn´t stop walking. "Damn leg" he thought bitterly and then everything went black and he heard her scream his name in fear. He wanted to help but it was too late. She was falling into the darkness. Her voice echoed everywhere and the last thing he saw were those beautiful shining eyes of her now pale and almost dead pleading with him to catch her. _

House woke up immediately. He had this damn dream again. Looking around he saw a pissed off Cuddy next to him and could hear a screaming Rachel in the room next to them.

"Can´t you just go and make her stopped crying? You know a screaming child at this time of the morning is really annoying," he growled.

"Stop bothering me. That´s Carmen's job, not mine! Why am I paying her? Carmen! Wake up! Rachel´s crying!"

House rolled his eyes and sighed. _Perfect now I've got a crying child and a screaming mother at the same time. Could it get any better?_

"Cuddy, stop waiting for Carmen and go to Rach for heaven´s sake! You know do this mother-thing you always wanted!"

Cuddy - now even more annoyed - stormed out her bedroom, mumbling something like "that bitch... her job... gonna fire her..."

House, now fully awake, lay back again and closed his eyes. He took a moment to think about that stupid dream. It was haunting him, no SHE was haunting him! Why did it always have to be Cameron? Why her? Why couldn´t she leave him alone for good? He hated to dream about her - not that he cared but it was unnerving him. She was gone and now happy with that stupid Wombat. Not that he cared. He never liked her and she had no right to disturb his sleep. Hell, why couldn´t she scream in Chase's dreams?

Knowing that sleep wouldn´t came back -not with this dream and not with Cuddy screaming at the new nanny but at least Rachel was sleeping again- he pulled his clothes on and decided to leave Cuddy's madhouse when her angry voice stopped him.

"Where are you going? Do you always have to go in the middle of the night? You know that´s not fair to Rachel! She needs a daddy! So go back to bed and stay for heaven's sake!"

"I am going home and it´s not like I need your permission, you know! I am a free man and I am doing what I want! So stop playing the boss here. I am not doing what you want me to at work so why should I listen now? Just because we fuck doesn´t mean I have to stay here and play daddy for Rach. Hell, she doesn´t need a dad! All she needs is a mother!"

With that, he slammed the door and left a speechless and fuming Cuddy behind.

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Hate it - Love it - Don´t care about the story? Let me know what you think. Comments would be lovely.


	3. Chapter 3

**Coastspy**

I am glad you like my story so far but I doubt you will like it much later cause I am a Hameron by heart and I can´t stand the "new" Cuddy so I will let her play the bitch-part here and I mean everything I write. So be warned but I hope you will read nontheless. Thank you so much for commenting!

**CSI-Ireland**

Hope you enjoy reading your username again ^^ Thank you for your comment! If you hate Cuddy and Chase, you will like my story although I don´t hate Chase but he will be one of the bad ones here.

**AllyCameron**

Glad to see you here ^^ I have to admit that I am rereading my story, too. Glad your enjoying it again!

Chapter 3

Her misery developed slowly. First there were her sleeping pills. Nothing unusual when faced insomnia or so she said to herself, but it wasn´t enough. Of course she would feel better after a good night's sleep but waking up after a very deep but short sleep wasn´t helping. Cameron's body couldn´t get enough sleep or so it seemed. Waking up very early and going to work became utter horror. Her body was screaming for release and more sleep. But when running a hospital, time is money, and she couldn´t neglect her work because it was the only thing left in her life. So she tortured herself; a few hours of deep sleep (or was it coma?), hard work the whole day long with just enough food to stay alive (not that she was ever hungry). Free weekends became history; who needs them when you don't have a private life anyway?

But one day sleeping pills weren´t enough; she needed more - more strength, more concentration to fulfill her work and less tiredness. She struggled with herself and thought of ways to make herself feel better but nothing helped. Cameron tried Yoga Meditation and Pilates (and never felt more stupid), read books about Yin and Yang (at least she thought it was funny but helpful?) and even went to courses in Reiki and Thai Chi (she chose the last one because it reminded her of Chai Latte which was definitely better). Nothing helped her find her inner peace or gave her some kind of strength.

Then one night it was too much for Allison Cameron. She couldn´t take it anymore - the pain inside her heart, her self-doubts, the fears haunting her since her break up with Chase and the weakness of her body. She wanted to feel happy again, to become the strong, beautiful and confident person she was before Chase. Before she could think twice she found herself in her hospital again; alone in a room filled with various kinds of illegal drugs, all confiscated and waiting to be destroyed. She stopped thinking in that moment. Deep inside her heart she knew it was wrong (you don´t have to be a doctor to know that) but she really didn´t care. She searched the shelves and found what she needed - pure cocaine. That was the beginning of Allison Cameron's drug career.

Finally life was great again for Allison Cameron. She was more successful than ever. Her good mood was infectious. Everywhere she went she caught everyone's attention. The stressed and tired Cameron changed into a happy and successful strong, independent woman or so it seemed.

She still couldn´t get a good night's sleep but she didn´t care anymore. Who needed sleep when you could solve the problem of tiredness with a small injection? She knew it wasn´t right and healthy but she didn´t think about it anymore. Everything just felt too good.

Cameron felt like she was flying but she was very careful not to fly too high (at least not at work). So she was finally content with herself and her work. Every doctor was impressed by this new Dr. Cameron and she was receiving compliments all day long.

"Dr. Cameron, you look wonderful today."

"Dr. Cameron. Congratulations on your success yesterday at the meeting; we´re so happy to have you here."

Dr. Cameron here, Dr. Cameron there... It felt like a dream. No one noticed the real Cameron behind all that, her tired eyes behind the dark make up, her unhealthy slim body under the designer clothes and the despair deep inside her heart coming out whenever the drugs stopped working.

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"I can´t believe it! That bitch!"

A very angry Cuddy stormed into House's office.

He was sitting behind his desk playing a new PSP game. Without even looking he replied in a bored tone, "Yeah, I know. She´s really a bitchy bitch."

"I mean look at her! She looks like a whore in this dress! That's so low!" Cuddy raged waving a medical magazine through the air.

"You would know," came the whispered reply.

"What?"

"I said I know. That´s so low."

House was getting distressed._ Why can´t she just leave? Damn I lost again! Thank you so much. _

Just at the right moment, Wilson stormed inside. "House I... Oh sorry. I hope I haven´t interrupted anything," he said while looking between a bored House and a fuming and almost screaming Cuddy.

"No, Jimmy, don´t worry! We were just talking about Cuddy's mom and her new whorish outfit. You know she´s such a -"

"HOUSE!" Cuddy was really screaming now. "Why can´t you just be serious for a minute? I was talking about Cameron not my mom! You´ve got clinic duty NOW and you are so not getting any tonight!" Storming outside, she threw the magazine away.

"Great, House! You pissed her off again. Why can´t you just keep your mouth shut for once?"

"Why should I? It´s so much fun to piss her off! Not really difficult but funny. But now I have to take a look at this hot outfit Cameron is wearing. You know, remembering the good old times and all."

With this he dismissed Wilson and took the magazine. He didn´t have to search long until he found what he wanted. There was an article about a donation for Cameron's hospital. House didn´t even bother to read it. Who cared about the damn money when you could look at the picture?

It showed a wide smiling Cameron wearing an elegant red suit. He couldn´t take his eyes away. This was HIS Cameron; the one with long brown hair falling in curls over her shoulders and wearing a perfectly fitted suit. There was nothing whorish about it. She was even more beautiful than before and he just couldn´t look away. Did she ever smile at him like that? Probably not. He never gave her a reason to do so.

But then he looked into her eyes and knew immediately that something was wrong. He knew those wonderful blue-green eyes but they looked so different. They were not shining and they seemed dead. Then he took a look at her body. House had known her body by heart. In those three years not one day passed by without him considering her. There was a time he knew every curve and every visible birth mark. But today he didn´t recognized that body anymore. The curves almost disappeared and she was slimmer than ever although she tried hard to hide it from everyone.

Something was very wrong and he promised himself to find out what it was even if that meant escorting Cuddy to the stupid fundraiser just to meet Cameron again. Not that he was concerned or something. No, he just was curious or so he told himself. She was nothing but a puzzle.

**So what do you think? Comments would be great. Have a nice weekend!**


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everybody for your reviews and support!

**Coastspy**

I am glad you´re still enjoying the story and let me make Cuddy the "evil witch of the west" ;-) Hope you like this chapter, too. Have fun with it and thank you for your wonderful comments!

**Limaccia**

Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter!

**CSI-IRELAND**

Well, they gonna meet - SOON. You don´t have to wait anymore for the update: Here it is ^^

**ShipperCrazed-FanFicCrazy**

I really LOVE your ideas! You know, in the end - Hameron wins! Thanks for commenting!

**Anaknisatanas**

Glad you like it and you don´t have to wait anymore for the next chapter! Here it is and thanks for your comment!

Chapter 4

House couldn´t believe it. How had he gotten himself into this? Groaning, he looked into the mirror and he hated what he saw. _Why do people like these stupid tuxes? It´s just ridicuous and I hate it! Yeah that´s good - my new mantra for tonight: I hate it - I hate it - i hate it! Much better. But still, I look like a fucking penguin. Now I hate it even more!_

As if this wasn´t already bad enough, he heard a knock at the door. Sighing, he took his cane and made his way to the door. Opening it, he saw a widely grinning Cuddy standing in front of him. At least he knew now what a really, really low cut dress looked like. He wasn´t even sure one could call it a dress after all. It was barely there. He had never seen a lower cut than that before. The whole dress was silvery and ended just under her butt. It was made of a thin, tight fit material and left nothing to the imagination. With her green eye make up, the red glossy lips and her wild curly hair she reminded him of a giant glitter ball. Cuddy misunderstood his shocked and dirty look and was now grinning even more.

"I see you love my dress!" she said as she spun around.

"Ahm yeah... it´s really really... how should I say..." His mind searched for a good enough answer: _whorish (she would kill me), ridiculous (same here), interesting (that´s really a low idea). Damn! _"Cuddles it´s really somehow... great" _Oh my god I haven´t said that have I? GREAT what was I thinking? Oh no I know that look. _

"Great? Just GREAT? Thank you so much! I spend the whole day in front of the mirror and all you can say is GREAT?" She was really fuming now and if looks could kill he would already be dead (ok he would have been dead a long time ago).

_"_If you wanna hear a compliment go and call Wilson! You should know by now that I don´t do compliments. Now let´s go. I wanna get this shit over with!" With this he turned and left without even looking back at her.

Allison Cameron sighed. Her life was a mess again and so was she. Deep inside she knew she wouldn´t be able to hide her drug addiction for long but she did everything she could to prolong it. Her long red empire dress was wide enough to hide most of her dangerously skinny body. It was subtle and elegant at the same time. She was thankful that it didn´t show much of her too skinny neck. Her cute little black cardigan with puffy sleves her arms. Since the evening House saw her in the red dress, red became her favourite colour. She didn´t even fight thinking of him anymore. She just gave up and so he was in her thoughts everyday - no every minute. That´s why she bought this red dress and a blood-red lipstick. Besides that she only wore a little make up - just enough to cover the damage the drugs had caused. It was getting harder each day.

First she only felt a happiness she had almost forgetten spreading through her body. But it didn´t last long. Everyday she needed more cocaine. Her arms were filled with blood-red punctures from the needles. Thank god for long sleeves. The worst part was that the drugs wore off much too soon. A quick high was followed by a very long and dark depression. Her whole body screamed for more then and she didn´t have the strengh to fight against the addiction. It wasn't like she had something to fight for.

When was the last time she had a proper meal? She couldn´t remember it because the cocaine took away her desire for food. She just ate to survive the day and she knew that her body was starving slowly but Cameron stopped caring long ago. Her brown hair lost its shine and hung limp over her shoulders. Today she chose a curly look. Professional hairstyling could really do wonders even if only for one evening. Her eyes were already dead and there was no way she could hide this. Not that anyone would ever really take the time to notice and nobody knew that she was only a shell. There was nothing inside her anymore - she was finally empty and damaged beyond all repair. She began hating her reflection more every day and silently she hoped that she would be released from all this soon. She knew there was no way out of this misery because she didn´t want to fight. So death was the easiest solution. Her drug abuse was like suicide - a cowardly suicide.

Giving herself a last shot of cocaine she left her house and went to the horrible donation party. She hated her life.

House thought he was finally in hell and his own silver devil was getting on his nerves beyond everything. Cuddy was shining - she really was. Her smile and her bleached teeth would blind him - not to mention the silvery thing she wore. Without alcohol he would have died a long time ago (ok he was here for twenty-six minutes but it felt like a lifetime). He gave up listening to the stupid small talk Cuddy had with some other idiots. It was always the same "It´s really a challenge to run a hospital AND be a loving mother. Rachel´s the best thing in my life..." House couldn´t help but smirk. _At least she remembered her name. _

"Dr. House, you are a very lucky man."

Turning around he saw one of the fucking idiots trying to make converstion with him. As if it couldn´t get worse.

"Why?" No need for more words.

"Because of Dr. Cuddy here. You´re such a beautiful couple! Haven´t you been listening? She´s praised you the whole time!"

House was on the verge of bursting out laughing when a glowing Cuddy took his arm almost violently and looked at him with her stupid puppy eyes. He really was afraid he would lose it then and there.

"She's the lucky one. After all, I am da bomb in bed, but I am a very nice person, too. So I could share her with you. Let´s say fifty dollars for one night?"

Everyone was silent now. Cuddy was too shocked to speak and let his arm go almost immediately. After recovering from the first shock, the group parted and House was left alone with an extremely pissed off Cuddy (not that he cared at least all the other morons were gone for good or so he hoped).

"How could you? Can´t you be nice for once and shut your fucking mouth? And how often do I have to tell you that drinking is not good for you? Stop being such a fucking bastard and get a grip for once! I hate this!" Her voice was now dangerously low and he knew she meant every single word.

Now he was the one fuming. He stared at her with his intense ocean blue eyes but now they were dark blue and never looked angrier. His voice was as cold as ice when he spoke: "You don´t hate THIS but you hate ME." She wanted to correct him but his glare stopped her. "Just shut up and listen for once! I am a bastard and I am drinking and I am saying things to annoy people but this is who I am. I won´t change even if you want me to. You hate these things about me? Fine but stop lying by telling me how much you love me. That´s bullshit. You don´t love me. You love the House you want me to be."

Cuddy looked really shocked now. "House I didn´t mean it like that. I just..."

House rolled his eyes. "Didn't I tell you to shut up? I don´t want to talk right now and especially not to you. So go on and celebrate with your stupid morons but don´t you dare talk about us with anyone. You know I hate this and again I was foolish enough to trust you. I should have known better. You talk about us and I will make a scene you will never forget. Understood?"

All she could do was nod and look after him as he walked away.

House was about to leave the party. Why should he stay? The room was filled with people he couldn´t stand, Cuddy was... well, Cuddy and there still was no sign of Cameron. All this shit for nothing! He was about to leave the room and call a taxi when something red caught his eye. He would never admit it but red was his favourite colour. It reminded him of Cameron´s dress from the night many years ago. He knew that he would never be able to forget her - not that he wanted to. Thinking about her once more he turned his head and stared at the red spectacle in front of him. What House saw left him stunned and for once in his life he was speechless.

**So what do you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to CSI-IRELAND and Coastspy for their wonderful comments! This chapter is for you!**

Chapter 5

There she was standing in the middle of the room and smiling in the middle of a group of young male doctors. Of course she would draw the most attention and House could understand why. Hell he was only a man but she was more than a woman. She looked like a goddess - at least from far away. Did Cuddy really think she could compete with her? Never.

House wanted - no needed- to take a better look at her and moved slowly closer. He wanted to study her a little bit more without her seeing him. So he went to a small table not far away from her and from there he could see her much better. But he didn´t like what he saw. He was shocked. He blinked and focused again. This couldn´t be true; it just couldn´t. This wasn´t HIS Cameron; she didn´t seem like Cameron at all. What the hell happened?

His Cameron was never this skinny. His Cameron never looked this depressed and lost. His Cameron had shiny hair and beautiful eyes. His Cameron wasn´t a shell she was a strong and confident woman.

Time seemed to stand still. House was still standing at the table, one hand holding his cane so tightly that his fingers were turning white and the other grasping his drink. He didn´t know and didn´t care how long he was standing there and staring at her. He just couldn´t keep his eyes off her and the wheels in his head were spinning like mad. What the hell happened?

Cameron felt like screaming out loud. She couldn´t take the idiots surrounding her much longer. The damned drugs seemed to have faded away and they took her good mood with them. She was aching for the next shot so badly that it hurt. But how could she get away when surrounded by a dozen men who all had just one desire: getting into her pants. That was nothing new there. She was used to that fact. Bad luck for them because she wasn´t able to feel any kind of desire, except for drugs of course.

_Keep smiling and nodding, Allison, _she reminded herself over and over again. She had to be strong, just for another hour or so. She just couldn´t give up, at least not today. How embarrassing would it be to freak out in front of these idiots? No, not here and not today.

And then, out of nowhere, she felt it or rather she felt HIM. Her smile faded immediately and her eyes widened in pure horror. Cameron couldn´t keep her hands from shaking. She felt like she was spinning. It was all too much but she did everything she could to keep herself as calm as possible.

_Oh god, Allison, stop this. This can´t be true. Damn, great moment for another hallucination. _

She tried to convince herself that this was just a hallucination. It wasn't like she hadn't had them before. She really should get used to them. They haunted her whenever the cocaine stopped working. Mostly she could control herself somehow but sometimes the images inside her head were stronger. Once Cameron believed she saw House in her office with a smirk on his face. The other day she saw him in the mirror, grinning and telling her how naive she was, how stupid to believe he could ever love her. She cried the whole night on the bathroom floor, pleading with an invisible House to save her.

Sometimes she thought Chase was standing at her door, trying to make her his punching bag again. Fortunately she was too high to open her window then because otherwise she would have jumped in sheer panic.

Cameron had to get out before this feeling got stronger. It was too dangerous to lose her nerve now. She needed another shot - NOW! Fuck the risk of getting caught. She excused herself and went straight to the bathroom not even bothering to look around when a cane got in her way and she felt her body stiffen.

She stood there, frozen, and it felt like a lifetime. Cameron didn´t even dare look up. Instead she felt her panic rise with every moment that passed. Was he real or was this all a hallucination? She tried to gain control over her body again but it didn´t work. There was no alternative left. She had to look up.

Ever so slowly she raised her eyes letting them roam over his tux clad body until she looked into those wonderful ocean blue eyes and then it hit her. This was really House; her former boss and the man haunting her dreams. The person she longed for most but at the same time the man she was scared to see again.

Dead blue green eyes met deep ocean blue eyes and the world seemed to stand still for a moment. This moment was pure bliss and horror at the same time; although House would never ever admit the bliss part.

"House," she said her voice just a whisper.

"Yep, the one and only! I know I have an effect on women but I never left a woman speechless with admiration for that long. You haven´t changed a bit when it comes to me."

His smug grin bought her to reality again. This was definitely not a hallucination. _Keep yourself together, Cameron. Be strong for once!_

"Speechless with admiration? You wish. It´s more like shocked to death you know. I never thought I would see you at a fundraiser. A bar or strip club maybe; but here? I see Cuddy trained you well."

_Yep, that´s it, Ally! _

"Jealous much?"

"Hell no! By the way you really should go and find her again. Wouldn´t want you to cause trouble in paradise."

She hated herself for saying that but she had to get rid of him as fast as possible. Her body was screaming for the next shot and she didn´t know how long she could keep a straight face.

"Ah, Cameron, you´re as caring as always. But don´t worry about Cuddy. I made a really good deal. Exchanged her, you know. Got a cow, two chickens and a cereal bar instead. A really, really good deal if you ask me."

He faked a proud expression and Cameron couldn´t help but giggle. She really missed this; their little conversations, his jokes. Hell she missed the whole package but there was no future for them. She knew it and her smile began to fade.

*Congratulations. Have fun with your cow. It was so nice to see you again but I really have to go. Goodbye House!"

She was about to turn around and storm away when she felt his hand capturing her wrist to prevent her escape. She couldn´t help but gasp when she felt his strong and warm hand.

"House, what are you doing? Please let me go!" Her voice was getting higher now. This was not good. She had to get away from him - Now.

His eyes never left her, roaming over her body and trying to memorize everything.

"Already begging? You´re so easy. Haven´t you mentioned bars and strip clubs before? Come on Cammie! Don´t be such a killjoy! You love me, remember? Let´s get out here and get ourselves drunk somewhere. You know, drinking, talking about the good old times until you confess your undying love for me. Wouldn´t that be funny? At least for me it would be."

_Oh my god I haven´t said that, have I? Shit I can´t let her go like that - I mean I can´t let her go before solving the puzzle. _

Cameron´s body started to tremble now and all control was gone. How dare he? She tried to escape his grip but she was too weak - nothing new.

"Fuck you, House! I don´t love you. If you must know, I hate you! I really do and if you don´t let me go I will scream. I promise I will." She tried to keep her voice low and steady but failed completely.

Now she looked even more lost than before. Her body was shaking, her eyes filled with tears and pleaded with him to let her go.

House was beyond shocked. He felt his grip on her wrist loosening and for the first time in a very, very long time he was sorry for what he said.

"Cameron, I..." But it was too late. Cameron was already gone, her trembling body trying to get out of the room as fast as possible.

House stood there, staring after the mess that was once Cameron, when realization hit him - suddenly and mercilessly.

**So, like it - hate it? Reviews would be lovely. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Coastspy**

And I am touched by your wonderful reviews! Thank you!

**MaggieNovember**

So glad you like my story so far. Have fun with the next chapter!

**CSI-IRELAND**

Well here´s more more more more more *lol*

**Lovefanfic55**

I so share your opinion about Cuddy! I liked her at the beginning but over the last years I just can´t stand her. Well, the wait is over: Here´s the next chapter. Thank you for your great review!

**Chapter 6**

Sleep just wouldn´t come that night. House tossed and turned in his bed, groaning in frustration. He hated these long nights. They just wouldn´t end and tonight was very, very long.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Cameron again. House saw her skinny, almost dead form and it scared him to death. Her eyes were haunting him. They followed him where ever he went and they seemed to be pleading with him to help her, to save her and to make her whole again.

What frightened him the most was the fact that he really felt something inside his chest and he wasn´t even able to deny it. Of course it couldn´t be that stupid "L-word" or so he told himself. Pity perhaps? At least she was his lobby art even if that was a long time ago. It was a shame that such pretty lobby art got wasted. Yeah definitely a pity; a strange kind of pity though. There was something else but he just couldn´t figure out what it was. To be honest he didn´t even want to try. He wasn´t into all these stupid emotions and it was better that way. He wouldn´t make an exception for Cameron. She was just his new puzzle, after all.

Sensing that tossing around in his bed wouldn´t help, he got up and sat at the bench in front of his piano thinking again about this evening.

Of course Cuddy crossed his mind. The relationship they had was bothering him more and more each day. Such a distraction was not very helpful when he had a puzzle to solve. So he had to think about their future or the lack thereof. House was not a man of many words and he wanted a decision - NOW.

He remembered Wilson telling him that if he wanted to know if she was the right one, he should be able to write down five positive things about her in one minute. At least now he knew why Wilson sucked at relationships. But House had no better idea and so he took a piece of paper and a pen.

5 positive qualities about Cuddles:

1. Big breasts (wow took him only three seconds but was this really important? Never mind, better than nothing)

2. (Damn it was getting harder now) Great sex? No. Good sex? Not good enough. Sex life - ok. Yeah that´s better.

Sex with Cuddy was really good; at least at the beginning but now it even annoyed him sometimes. Sex should be relaxing but with her it was always a fight. She wanted to be his boss even in bed. So they fought at work AND in bed for domination. He needed to be the instigator sometimes, the dominant one, but she was far too proud to let him. So it became a little war and afterwards he was exhausted as hell. Besides he liked to explore the female body, to find every hidden place but the problem was that there was nothing hidden with her low cut blouses and and these stupid short skirts. Why should he be excited to see her breast when he could see them every day at work? He loved decent clothes that left enough room for imagination just like the clothes Cam... Damn not her again.

Ok let´s go on.

3. ...

House was thinking really, really hard but he couldn´t come up with a third quality. So instead he made a second list.

Things that suck about Cuddles

1. She wants to change me

2. She can be really annoying!

3. I hate the clothes she wears.

4. With her life is a fight.

5. I am not happy.

He looked at the clock and realization hit him again; he wrote two positive things in twenty-four minutes and five negative in forty-six seconds. How much more proof did he need?

House didn´t even hesitate but took the phone and dialed Cuddy's number; of course he didn´t care that it was four in the morning. The answering machine picked up. Not a nice way to end a relationship but he didn´t care and was tired of waiting for a better chance.

"Cuddles, it´s me. I've thought a lot about us and the crap we´re going through. You know it´s getting us nowhere. It was nice and all in the beginning but now it´s time to end this. You know, maybe you should try this mother-thing with Rach now. Think about it. See you."

He would never admit it, but he cared for Rachel and it upset him to watch her with her nannies. House knew how it felt to fight for love as a child and he didn´t want Rachel to know that, too. He knew she was a child and she needed Cuddy's attention and love so badly but it seemed like she was just a trophy to show off. It was like getting a toy you wanted for such a long time but when you got it, it became boring. Poor Rachel! At least he had a mother.

But now was not the time or place to save Rachel. He had to think about his new puzzle - Cameron. Not a big deal that he just couldn´t stop thinking about her; curiosity and all.

No matter how often he thought about her and her drug addiction (took him a few minutes to figure it out) it still didn´t make sense.

WHY? WHY? WHY? He just couldn´t understand it. She was young, beautiful, hot as hell and successful - even more so than Cuddy and Cam was even younger than her.

He had really wanted to follow her but his feet wouldn´t let him. The realization of her drug addiction, the sadness in her eyes and the damage her body suffered - it had all been too much for him. He had been shocked beyond all means. All House could do was stand there and watch her flee. His mind had been spinning and he felt dizzy. When he regained his senses it was too late. She was gone, out of his sight and he was left exhausted. Without even thinking about Cuddy, he took the next cab and now here he was.

Ok, focus again, House, he thought to himself. This new project really needed a name, he decided. Taking the piece of paper and the pen again, he wrote down:

Working out Cameron's problem, taking away her drugs and solving the puzzle.

("stupid, boring and too long - I am really getting old")

Free Allie! ("shouldn´t have watched this fucking whale movie with Wilson")

Yes we Cam! ("too stupid to comment-even for me")

Agenda for preservation of lobby art ("I haven´t written that, have I?")

Save Cam´s pretty ass: SCPA

House, too tired and drunk to think of a better idea, took the last one. It would really be a shame to destroy such a pretty piece of ass, he thought.

Now, having a pretty new puzzle in mind and seeing the sun rising outside the window, House decided to get some sleep. Later on he could figure out a plan. SCPA would have to wait a few hours, but like Scarlett O´Hara said, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

**Guess I was crazy when writing this ^^ Hope you like it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: Warning: Mention of suicide!**

**Coastspy**

Glad I could make you laugh but I guess you won´t laugh when reading the next chapter... About the split up: I wanted to show House obsessed with Cameron and her problem. That´s why I wanted to get rid of everything unimportant and annoying in his life (let´s name it Cuddy ^^) and I just couldn´t take their relationship anymore. So I had to destroy it as soon as possible *evilgrin*. A split up over the phone is one of the meanest ways I could think of and mean works for Cuddy. Thank you again for your great review!

**Lovefanfic55**

You´re so right about Cuddy! Sadly House won´t work his magic in this chapter but he will later. Thanks so much for your comment!

**Agata**

Really glad you like it! Hope you like this chapter, too!

Chapter 7

Cameron couldn´t get any sleep - again. She really should be used to it. But today she was even more frustrated than the weeks before. The events of the fundraiser were just too much for her. HE was too much.

It had been one year since the last time she saw him. One year, but it felt like a lifetime; maybe because so much happened in that one year. After all she moved away from Princeton and Chase, started a new life in Chicago and gave Chase another chance, was abused - physically and mentally, left Chase, moved again to Princeton, got this new job and now here she was, a drug addicted shell. It was all far too much - even too much to think about. She was too exhausted in every possible way. The thoughts of House really weren´t helping.

Damn, he really looked great; even better than before. She missed his wonderful eyes; they reminded her of the ocean and the blue sky. She always found herself lost in them.

Cameron wished she could have run her fingers through his hair. It was longer again; just the way she liked it. She even loved the grey highlights. It was so him.

Of course he looked hot as hell in the tux but honestly, she preferred his band t-shirts. She knew he hated tuxes. Maybe she preferred his t-shirts because of that. After all she wanted him to be happy.

Cameron wanted so badly to stay with him; feel his presence and just to be with him but she knew there was no sense in that. A few moments would hurt even more afterwards and she had already more sorrow inside her than she could take; no need for more. Even just standing there with him felt like paradise. His words hurt her but she knew that she didn´t deserve anything else. So it really didn't matter; after all he was right, as always.

Before walking away from him she wanted to cry; to scream; to plead with him to stay for a bit. She wanted to hold him, cry on his shoulder and tell him that she was so afraid and lost. She needed him; needed him to save her, to hold her, to love her.

Thank god she resisted; even though it was really, really hard because she knew it wouldn´t change anything. He would probably just laugh at her; tell her that she was crazy and weak. He was Cuddy´s man now. House loved Cuddy. Just thinking about it hurt like hell but it was really stupid and naive to believe he could love her. He never did and never would. He even told her that he didn't like her. Why couldn´t she get over it; over him? Cameron knew that she wasn´t special; she never thought she was beautiful or smart. She was just a stupid little girl after all.

Cameron decided to get out of the bed. She had a shot a few minutes earlier but it didn't work this time. There was no euphoria left for her anymore. Sighing, she went to the kitchen and got herself a glass of Scotch. Maybe alcohol would help her through the night. Of course she knew alcohol and drugs were not a good mix but she didn´t care. Sometimes she thought it would be better to die. It wasn't like someone would care. But she was too stupid and too frightened to end her misery.

Trying to forget all this for just a few moments, Cameron had another glass, finishing it at once. Then the next followed and the next and the next one until the bottle was almost half empty. She began to feel good again. The alcohol - cocaine mix made her feel happy again-finally. There it was again; the long missed euphoria.

Although it was long after midnight Cameron switched on the radio and soon loud music could be heard. In the middle of the room a high Cameron was dancing and laughing like there was tomorrow. Yeah life felt great again!

Two hours later she felt even more exhausted than before. Switching off the radio, she collapsed on her couch. She closed her eyes. The whole world was spinning. She felt dizzy and the drugs faded away taking the happiness with them and here she was again even more depressed and tired. Today it was even worse because the alcohol was still pumping through her veins. Instead of easing the pain, it stressed her out even more. Her personal pain was back, merciless in its intensity. Closing her eyes wouldn´t help. The pain just wouldn´t go away.

The loneliness , her broken heart, images of House with Cuddy, images of Chase abusing her over and over again, telling her how useless, ugly and stupid she was became even worse. She heard voices everywhere, calling her names and laughing at her.

Cameron lay on the floor now, holding her hands over her ears to stop the voices. She was screaming and begging them to stop. She couldn´t do this anymore. Tears were falling over her tired face. It was too much.

"Oh god, please stop this! Please I can´t take it anymore! House, please! Save me..." The rest was lost in her sobs and her body was shaking so violently that forming words wasn´t even possible. She lay there; a bundle of despair and sorrow.

When there were no tears left to cry and her voice was hoarse from screaming, Cameron just lay there and began to think. This - her life, her misery - it had to end. She couldn´t take it anymore. It was pure horror and she decided to end it-here and now. No time to think twice.

Cameron had to react fast while the alcohol lowered her fear. So she took several more sips of her Scotch and injected herself with more cocaine. It was too much for her body to handle but that was exactly what she wanted. As long as she was still able to think somewhat clearly she took a piece of paper and began to write.

"I am really sorry but I can´t take it anymore. This has to end. I am sorry for being such a coward but there´s no way out.

House if you bother to read this: I love you. I wish I had the strength to tell you before but it wouldn´t matter anyway. Take care.

I´ll miss you all.

Allison"

It wasn´t much but it was enough. No need for more.

Feeling the drugs starting to work, she changed into comfortable clothes and went outside. She didn´t want to die here. She wanted to be distracted when her body collapsed. So she took her iPod with her favourite songs (every single one reminding her of House) and went for a run in the forest. It was far too early to meet anyone and so she could die alone and in peace.

The warm wind was blowing and the sun was coming out slowly. Cameron didn´t notice any of this. She was too lost in her thoughts to notice anything. She was in her own world, drowning in her music. Of course she noticed her heartbeat becoming dangerously fast. Her pulse was beating like mad and she thought her head was going to explode. She had no power to run further but it was too late to go back. She had to keep running, never stop, never look back, mile after mile. Cameron felt her body becoming even weaker, she couldn´t really run straight anymore and her vision became blurred.

"Run, Allison, run. It won´t take long. This will end soon."

She kept repeating it like a mantra, like a promise to herself.

It really didn´t take long. She stumbled, her vision went black and it all happened so fast that she didn´t even have time to notice. The last thing she heard was "A Fine Frenzy" singing "Goodbye my almost lover..." Fate´s timing really sucked...

A last hopeless and frightened cry and it was over. Allison Cameron was lying on the cold and dewy ground. She was unconscious and her breathing became harder every second. Her body awaited the last release.

And the sun kept shining.

**A/N: **I felt really bad when writting this chapter but I promise that it´s not the last one. Hope you don´t hate me now for doing this to her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Lovefanfic55**

Thank you for your comment! Your ideas are great but not completely right.

**Coastspy**

Glad you like it! House will be the hero - but we´re not there yet. Have fun with the next chapter and thanks for your review! Reviews are my addiction ^^

**Agata**

I hate to show Cameron that weak but I wouldn´t have shown her that weak without all the drugs and her depression. I hope you like this chapter more. Thank you for your review!

**A/N: I own nothing.**

Chapter 8

House was in a good mood; a very, very good mood. He just loved puzzles and he loved Saturdays. A new puzzle on Saturday - just perfect!

But he was in no hurry. First he needed breakfast, but considering the time, lunch would be more suitable.

So after eating defrosted lasagna (stolen from Wilson) and drinking several cups of coffee, his evil plan could start.

SCPA - Step one!

House knew Cameron and he was sure that she still had feelings for him - after all she was his girl. Always had been; always would be. Some things would just never change. But he had to be careful; she wasn´t herself because of the drugs. He didn't want her to get suspicious so he started rather innocently with a simple call. Good thing she never changed her cell phone number.

House dialed the number and waited and waited and waited. No Cameron on the other line but the damn voicemail picked up. He hated voicemail but what was the alternative? Sighing, he searched for his most pleasant voice and began:

"Hi Cammie! It´s me, your favourite former boss. You know the good looking one with the cane? I'll give you a hint: My name starts with "H" and ends with "ouse". Got it? I always knew you were a clever girl.

Do you still like monster trucks? I got tickets for next week but Jimmy let me down and Cuddy has nothing suitable to wear. You know slutty dresses and trucks don´t mix. Poor trucks! Getting too distracted.

So I thought about my favourite former cute underling. I always wanted to see you in these hot low-rise jeans. So here´s your chance. Call me back!"

Now there was only one option left: waiting. At least for two hours or so. He wasn´t a patient kind of man.

Cameron tried to blink but her eyes were too heavy and she was too tired to try again. Her mind was spinning and colourful pictures were dancing in front of her eyes. Pictures of her childhood (little Ally playing outside with her beloved dog), pictures of her first husband (Danny laying there, helpless, suffering, dying), pictures of Chase (taking pleasure on her body and not caring about her protests), pictures of House (his crystal eyes boring into her body and soul, telling her how disappointed he was) and then it was all too much. Her body was aching, the pain overtook her and the pictures started to fade away to be replaced by noises she couldn´t understand and assign. Then the darkness came back again and took her away into a peaceful and dreamless slumber.

Cuddy was in hell or so she thought. Everything just went wrong. Wasn´t it enough that she woke up with the worst hangover she ever had? Of course not. After taking some painkillers mixed with coffee, she went to her answering machine and that gave her the rest.

"How could he? That bastard! Jerk!" Yelling this and some other M-rated words, she ran around her living room, waking a now crying Rachel and yelling at the nanny to get her ass out of bed.

Having enough, she took a quick shower, dressed and went to work, hoping for a distraction. She wouldn´t let House win, not this time. She would make him see what he was missing. After all he needed her. She was the one to take his pain away, to make him a better person, to tell him what was wrong and what was right. He needed her and he loved her. She would have him begging her to give him another chance! She would make him see what he missed.

But what happened next left her really speechless. There in front of her lay an unconscious Cameron. Cuddy could do nothing but smirk. She took the report and read: "Allison Cameron, 31, overdose of cocaine mixed with alcohol, suggested suicide, found in forest..."

Cuddy didn´t need to read more. How ironic was that?

Little Miss Perfect lying here because of an overdose? Cuddy couldn´t help but laugh out loud. There was nothing perfect left behind. Allison Cameron was nothing more than a stupid little junkie now, lying there and fighting for her life. No pity needed here. Everyone who thought that this stupid naive girly was prettier or more successful than Cuddy could fuck off. Here was the proof – Cameron was nothing compared to her.

Okay maybe the whole day didn't suck. Cuddy knew that this was her chance to end a career and she wouldn´t let it slip away. But first Cameron had to get better. After all you can´t destroy a dead woman´s career. Where´s the fun in that? But to fulfill her evil plan secrecy was important. Cuddy remembered the new oncology nurse. Fresh blood was always easier to scare and therefore perfect for her plan.

So she called Linda, the new nurse, and instructed her to keep an eye on Cameron. Nobody else was allowed to know about her and the state she was in. Any news about her health was to be told to Cuddy immediately. Satisfied with her decision, Cuddy went to take a break. After all she needed her strength to make her plan work.

House was tired of waiting. He called Cameron six hours ago; honestly two hours ago but it seemed like more. Why didn't she call back? After all that was the plan. He calls; she calls back. It was that simple.

Okay it was time for step two, he decided. House took the phone again and step two began.

"Hello, Greg House here. I want to order a bouquet of white lilies"

...

"Are you kidding? There´s no funeral, it´s for a date"

...

"I don´t care if this isn´t fitting. I want white lilies and nothing will change my mind. So stop talking and just do it. Do you have stuffed animals, too?"

...

"Good. I want an opossum. They´re cool. Got it?"

...

"You´re kidding right? Then Google it and I don´t care if you don´t have any. That's your problem, not mine. Get one or forget it! Now I need a card. Write on it:

_Let´s rule the night like the opossums and if it gets too dangerous and hot with me you can always `play possum'. So wanna take the risk, cutie? Call me!_

_G.H. the master of the night!_

Got everything?"

After giving Cameron´s address and Wilson´s credit card number to the "stupid incompetent idiot" House decided to order a pizza (again he used Wilson´s credit card) and called it a night. Hopefully tomorrow the waiting would come to an end.

Sunday noon came and there was still no call from Cameron. House was pissed off but he had still a trump card up his sleeve and now the time had come to play it. He took his phone and called Wilson´s number. Step three.

"Hey, Jimmy. I need you. Meet me tonight at 8 p.m. We´re going "tree-catching"! Trust me and dress in black. More to come!" Cameron could never resist THAT!

Meanwhile Cameron was still struggling with death. Her body ached with pain and horrible dreams were haunting her. She wanted to scream but no sound came out. She was flying between life and death with no way out. It felt like hell.

"Hello, Linda. Any changes?" Faking concern, Cuddy entered Cameron's room where Linda was sitting in a chair beside the bed, reading a book.

Looking up, Linda answered truthfully, "I am sorry but no. She´s still unconscious but her sleep is very restless. It seems she´s having nightmares the whole time. Sometimes she murmurs single words."

"Oh poor thing! I hope she gets better. It would be a shame to lose such a wonderful person. Do you understand what she's saying?"

"I hope so, too. She looks so beautiful and sad. It really makes me want to cry. She must have been very desperate. I couldn´t understand everything she said but mostly it sounded like `House' but may be wrong. Oh, and her cell phone was ringing."

Cuddy stood there unable to believe what she heard. Was Cameron still in love with House or did they even...? No it couldn´t be. Regaining her senses, she smiled at Linda.

"You must be tired and hungry. How about taking a break? I'll keep an eye on our nice patient here. Take your time."

A short nod and a "Thank you" later Cuddy was left alone with Cameron. She watched the sleeping beauty closely. Cameron's skin was pale, almost white, and blue veins were shining through. Her face seemed tired even in her sleep and her body had no fat on it. It was somehow scary to see her like that but Cuddy didn't pity her. She thought of House and wondered if there was a connection between her break up with House and Cameron.

Cuddy couldn´t take the uncertainty anymore. She took Cameron's cell phone and called her voicemail. Hearing House's voice made her blood boil.

Looking at Cameron with hate filled eyes, she whispered a promise:

"You bitch! I hope you make it because we´re not done here. Wake up soon so I can destroy you and your medical career. You´ll regret the day you were saved. I promise."

**Let me know what you think about the chapter and thank you for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I own nothing :-(((**

**Thanks again for all the wonderful comments and to Hughville for being the best beta ever! Without her you all would suffer from my bad English. **

**Coastspy**

The note isn´t a common saying. It´s a silly product of my crazy mind ^^ Thank you for your comment and here´s MORE ^^

**lovefanfic55**

Well, after this chapter you´ll know what House and Wilson are doing and I hope you like it. Have fun and thanks for your review!

**limptulip**

Unattractive and Cuddy - good combination ^^ Thank you for reviewing!

Chapter 9

The day went by fast and House found himself waiting for Wilson. He changed his clothes and now wore black jeans and a simple black shirt. Impatiently he watched the clock. Wilson better be on time because tonight was the night and step three couldn´t wait until tomorrow.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Sighing, House grabbed his cane and limped to open the door. Instead of letting Wilson in, he left his apartment and told a dumbfounded Wilson to follow him.

"House, what´s going on? Where are we going and why did I have to dress black?" Wilson asked.

"For heaven´s sake can´t you just shut up for once? You´ll see where we headed so stop crying!"

Wilson shook his head and wondered if they would end up in jail once the day was over. After all, he never knew with House. Sighing, he followed House to his parking space and had to blink twice when he saw House´s car.

"Um, House? What is the luggage rack doing on your car?"

House rolled his eyes.

"Sleeping of course. What else? So be quiet! He gets grumpy when waking up!"

"Sounds like someone I know," murmured Wilson as he got in the car.

After driving for fifteen minutes, House parked his car at the edge of the forest and got out.

"Get out Jimmy and breathe in the fresh air!"

Wilson got out slowly and looked around. What the hell did House want in the forest? Shaking his head, he asked:

"Okay, House. Stop fucking around with me and tell me what´s going on. What are we doing here at night in the middle of a forest?"

But House didn´t even seem to listen. Instead he looked around like he was searching for something. "Which of you cuties is a birch? Wilson, for the last time shut up and help me pick a nice little birch. "

"Why do you need a birch? House, what is going on?" Wilson asked. Nonetheless he helped his friend and soon they found a nice birch standing near the car.

"It´s perfect! I need one for my squirrel-breeding. You know the nice little animals need something to play with." Seeing Wilson was getting more frustrated with every second that passed, he added: "I'll give you a hint. Today´s April 30. More explanations to come if you help me. So please get the saw from the trunk and help me to get our new friend on the car."

While Wilson cut down the tree, House couldn´t stop ordering him around.

"Jimmy, you have to start on the other side."

"Wilson, you should be more careful, what if you kill me? Think about all the dying people I wouldn't be able to rescue then."

"You know you look so funny lying on the ground. I should have brought my camera with me."

The sky was dark when Wilson tied the tree to the luggage rack. Meanwhile, House sat on the car because "his leg needed a rest after all this hard work".

The drive to Cameron´s apartment was a slow and exhausting one because the tree bound to the top of the car was too large and whenever the wind blew (of course it was a stormy night) some branches were swinging right in front of the windscreen.

Wilson felt like he was going to explode. This was the stupidest thing House had ever done. He just hoped they would reach Cameron´s apartment alive and wouldn´t meet the police along the way. Maybe being in jail wouldn't be so bad since he still had no idea why House needed this stupid tree and what Cameron had to do with it.

Reaching the dark apartment, Wilson parked near Cameron´s terrace and went out to take the tree from the top of the car.

"So what now, Dr. Genius?" Wilson looked from the birch to House who was taking a bag from his trunk.

"Now, Dr. Half-wit, we're gonna play Christmas. So take these garlands and the crepe paper out and let´s decorate the tree."

While Wilson stood there, looking shocked House took a pair of scissors and began to cut the colourful crepe paper into strips which he bound to the branches. After regaining his senses, Wilson went over to House and helped him until every strip was bound to the tree and waving in the wind. Then they took the garlands and attached them, too.

House was grinning like a small child. "I saved the best for last!" As he said this he took a white cloth on which he had written a note and attached it to the top of the tree.

_A lesson about foreign traditions after monster trucks. Call me! G.H._

"Look, Jimmy, we´re almost done! Now all you have to do is to fix our beauty here because a fallen tree is so uncool! So, go on, Wilson, and attach it at the gutter so that Cameron will see it when she gets home. I'm standing here watching to make sure that you do it right."

Wilson was too tired to object and started to work. After fifteen minutes, a few scratches and one bruise later an even more exhausted Wilson went to House and sat down beside him.

"So I think you owe me an explanation. So what is it with Cameron and this tree?"

House rolled his eyes but it was too dark to see it.

"A birch, Wilson. A birch is not a tree. Stop insulting it! More precisely it's a Maypole. It´s a tradition in Germany, or rather south Germany and in Austria, that men decorate a maypole on the night of May 1 under the window or balcony of the girl they like. Oh, stop grinning because it´s not what you think! Once and for all, I don´t like Cameron! Clear?"

Wilson just couldn´t stop grinning, not that he wanted to.

"Crystal clear! You and Cameron - never!" Now Wilson was laughing out loud and House couldn´t stop groaning.

"You´re such an idiot, Wilson! I don´t even like her!"

Wilson watched House smugly and replied:

"Well why are you doing all this then, Casanova?"

House looked really annoyed now.

"She´s my new puzzle and nothing more! I met her at the fundraiser and she was a mess. Dangerously skinny, dead eyes and she looked just... I don´t know... lost. She´s not herself anymore and I bet she was high. See, that´s why I created SCPA."

Wilson looked shocked as hell. He always liked Cameron and cared about her. Deep inside he always hoped that she and House would be together one day.

"Oh no, poor Cameron. But what is SCPA and why are you doing all this? Sorry, I just don't understand."

House rolled his eyes. "I always knew you weren´t the smart one here. SCPA means `Save Cameron´s pretty ass' - my new project and I am doing it to get her attention. A date is a wonderful way to figure a person out and Cammy was never good at lying. So easy game here."

Wilson grinned. House didn't care about Cameron? Right. Who was he fooling anyway?

Provocatively, he said, "So Cameron is a junkie. Very interesting."

House stood up angry: "She´s not a junkie! Stop saying that shit! She´s a person with problems. I should know how it feels or did you forget about the Vicodin? It really sucks so stop it. By the way, are you still taking antidepressants?"

"Okay, okay, I get it! Sorry! I didn´t meant it like that."

Grinning, he thought: "My, my, House. You´re so in trouble." Wilson always knew that House was always very protective when it came to Cameron. He caught his friend often enough referring to her as "his Cameron". He just hoped that he could really help her.

His thoughts were interrupted when his buzzer went off. "Damn, I'm on call and need to get to the hospital. We´re taking your car and afterwards I'll call a cab and I don´t want to hear any protests. Let´s go, House!"

Of course House protested, but he got Wilson to the hospital and went home afterwards to get some sleep.

**Hope you liked it. Comments would be lovely. Have a wonderful second Advent!**


	10. Chapter 10

**MaggieNovember**

Glad you like the story! Thank you for your comment!

**Nath452**

The wait is over :-) Thanks for your review!

**VisualIDentifictionZeta**

Sorry, I forgot Slovenia :-) I guess the maypole traditions are different, depending where we live. I never heard about conifers or spruce. We have maypoles at the village´s main square, too but also under the window of girls, a great tradition for lovesick boys ^^ Sadly, I never got one and it´s not really so in common anymore. The good old times...Thank you for your comment!

**Coastspy**

Don´t be sorry! I love reviews, no matter when I get them! Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews!

**ShipperCrazed-FanFicCrazy**

Thank you for your reviews! I really can understand how you feel! This whole Cuddy-stuff is so stupid and I just hate her right now. She´s an insult for every profesional woman and mother. But don´t worry, she´ll get what she deserves, at least in my story.

**A/N: I own nothing - not really a suprise :-(**

Chapter 10

Wilson hurried down the corridors of PPTH. He was tired after his adventure with House in the forest and all he wanted was to go home and get some sleep. But even though it was Saturday night, he was on call, so he had no choice in the matter.

After a nurse informed him about the emergency he went to the room searching for Linda.

"Where is she? After all she had to be here all night," he murmured to himself.

But Wilson didn´t have time to wonder for long. After all his patient was suffering and that was his priority now. So he went as fast as he could to the patient´s room.

Half an hour later Wilson was even more exhausted, if this was even possible and angry as well; he really needed Linda in there. Where the hell was she? Angrily, he rushed to his office thinking about whether it made sense to go home at this hour or whether he should get some sleep in his office when he saw her - his long lost nurse Linda!

"Linda where have you been and what are you doing here?" Wilson shouted across the hospital hall.

The nurse immediately turned around. Didn´t he know that Dr. Cuddy needed her? Was she allowed to tell him the reason? After all, he was able to fire her.

"Ahm, Dr. Wilson, nice to see you. I am really sorry... but... I... hmm... had something to do. Dr. Cuddy needed me and all."

She didn't dare look at him because she was too afraid of being caught. After all she was really bad at lying.

Wilson looked at her skeptically. Being friends with House gave him a plenty of practice catching someone in a lie.

"Oh, I see. That´s very important of course but I am sure you can tell me what you had to do?"

Linda didn´t know what to say but she definitely didn´t want to lie to her new boss. Of course, being fired by Dr. Cuddy wouldn't be great either. Nonetheless she decided to tell the truth; or a part of it, anyway.

"You see Dr. Wilson, I am not allowed to tell you. I am really sorry but Dr. Cuddy wouldn´t allowed it. If you want to know please ask her. Again, I am really sorry," she said looking down the floor.

Wilson wanted to respond but was interrupted by Cuddy who came down the corridor towards Linda.

"Linda, here you are! Everything alright with the patient?" she asked sending Linda a warning look.

Understanding immediately the nurse responded:"Yes Dr. Cuddy, the patient´s alright. I am going back to see if anything has changed. Good night Dr. Wilson and Dr. Cuddy."

After a "good night" from Wilson and a nod from Cuddy, she hurried back to Cameron's room.

"Am I allowed to ask what you´re doing with her, Lisa? After all she is MY nurse."

Although his voice was calm, Cuddy could see he wasn´t happy that she took his nurse without saying anything and that´s why she responded almost apologetically; hoping to calm him down so no more questions would be asked:

"I am really sorry James, I must have forgotten to tell you. You see I have this important patient, a possible donor and I needed someone for observation and well, Linda was there and I asked her. You´ll get her back soon, don´t worry."

Wilson wasn´t sure why but something was wrong with this and he didn´t liked it; Lisa seemed somehow different... nervous maybe. She wouldn´t look into his eyes and played with her earrings when talking. Not really listening to Cuddy's answer he watched Linda disappear, noting exactly which room she entered.

Before following his new nurse, he had to get rid of Lisa first and so he played along.

"Oh, okay Lisa. I understand that but the next time please ask me first. I think I'll go home now. I am really tired. Hmm maybe I'll get some sleep tonight; after all it´s almost morning."

Lisa really seemed relieved. Smiling, she told him: "I promise to ask you first next time. You really should get some sleep. Good night or should I say good morning? I guess it doesn´t matter."

She gave him a small nod and went to her office, glad that everything went so well.

Meanwhile Wilson waited until the dean was out of sight and went straight to the room where Linda was watching Cameron. Pushing the door open, he smiled at his nurse.

"I just wanted you to know that..." but what he saw or rather whom he saw left him speechless and he couldn´t finish his sentence. Instead he looked at the figure in the bed. Could it be? Was this really Allison Cameron?

Slowly he reached for her file afraid of what was written there, watched by Linda with worried eyes. Opening the file, he got his answer: Yes this was really HER.

Wilson stood there for what seemed like a lifetime a worried Linda watching his every move.

House was really right; Cameron was a mess. Nothing was left from the beautiful and young doctor he once knew. Wilson´s thoughts went also back to House. If he knew...

"Dr. Wilson? You okay?" It seemed that the young nurse couldn´t take the silence anymore.

"Yes Linda, I am okay I guess. I know her or I thought I did. What happened to her?" he asked although deep inside he knew the answer.

"She was brought here because of an overdose of cocaine mixed with alcohol. Found in the forest. It seems she was jogging when it happened. It really looks like she wanted to kill herself. But why Dr. Wilson? I mean, look at her. Shouldn´t she be happy? She seemed to be gorgeous and so successful in her job. How depressed must one be to do such a thing?"

Wilson felt his eyes getting wet when he spoke back.

"She´s really a wonderful person - inside and outside - and one of the best doctors I know. I really don´t know what happened. She always was so happy on the phone or so I thought. I really don´t know what happened to her. Has she been unconscious since she was brought here?"

"Yes, she has. But she seems to be having very bad dreams and sometimes she mumbles in her sleep but it´s always just `House'. I really don´t know what that means."

After hearing that, Wilson was just shocked. "She still loves him," was the first thought that came into his head. He opened his mouth when Cuddy entered the room, not even noticing him at first.

"Nothing new I see. I called the hospital she is dean in or rather WAS in. Really sad story but I can´t do anything." She faked a smile. Maybe it worked for Linda but definitely not for Wilson.

When he couldn´t take it any longer he stepped forward and said as calmly as he could: "Dr Cuddy, I think we should speak in private. Don´t you think so?"

Cuddy spun around, her eyes widening in shock. Just great...

"James, I thought you wanted to sleep. Well, if there´s something you want to discuss I think I´ve got some time for you. Linda, you can take a break now."

Waiting until Linda was out of the room, Wilson burst out:

"What the hell are you doing here? What is going on?"

Lisa had to admit she had never seen Wilson so angry before and somehow it frightened her but after all she was the boss.

"That´s none of your business, Wilson. Stay out of this."

She was angry now, too.

"Have you told House? After all she was his employer and she is murmuring his name in sleep. Last but not least he´s her medical proxy and has every right to know!" He tried to stay calm but it was getting harder with every second.

"No, I haven´t told him and you won´t tell him, either. House won't and there´s no sense in bothering him. So I trust you not to say a word to House, do you understand, Dr. Wilson?"

She had her best "I-am-the-boss-here-look" on her face but Wilson wasn´t impressed at all.

"What if I haven´t understood, Dr. Cuddy?"

Cuddy was really pissed now and one could hear this when she spoke.

"Then I'll have to fire you, Dr. Wilson and I swear I'll do it!" With this she turned around and stormed out of the room, leaving a shocked Wilson behind.

**Let me know what you think and thanks again for all the reviews! You all make my day!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I own nothing! Thank you so much for hughville for being my wonderful beta!**

**So sorry for the delay! RL was bitchy and right now on vacation I don´t have a good internet account but I´ll try. **

Merry Christmas although I am a little bit late. Sorry again!

**ShipperCrazed-FanFicCrazy**

Thank you for your review!I can so understand your view of Cuddy! She´s a living insult for every successful woman and mother! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

**lovefanfic55**

Glad you´re enjoying the story but I am sorry you have to wait a little bit more for a Hameron scene but I hope you´re still liking this chapter.

**Airabelle**

Well bitchy Cuddy is really interesting and she gets even bitchier ^^ Thanks for commenting!

Chapter 11

The days went by and still no sign from Cameron. House was frustrated as hell. He would never freely admit that he was worried; instead he kept thinking that Cameron´s reaction was an interesting anomaly and because of this he couldn´t get her out of his head.

He caught himself driving to her place after work, only to sit in his car and watch her dark apartment from outside. His birch was still standing proud on her terrace. Thousands of possibilities ran through his head: Was she working the whole time? Was she with someone else now? Maybe still with Chase? Maybe she had an accident or was even... No, he wouldn't think something bad like that. Instead he kept telling himself that she was just working and trying to ignore him. He was sure she tried to forget him. After all this was Cameron; HIS girl; the one with a crush on him and this was one of the things that would never change. Never.

One night he couldn´t take it anymore and took his handy iPhone and sent her a text.

"Cameron, call me. We really need to talk. Please." He cringed inside while sending it away. He knew that was not a typical "Housian-sms" but he really wanted to know what was going on and so he tried to be as nice as possible and this little word "please" wasn´t even as hurtful as he thought it might been.

Meanwhile Cuddy was sitting at Cameron's bedside thinking about her next move when Cameron's cell phone rang. Without even thinking twice she took the phone and read the message. Her heart was beating faster and her head was spinning. This wasn´t true, was it? Why was House doing this? Why would he choose a junkie over her? Why was he too stubborn to see that they belonged together?

Tears of anger began pooling in her eyes as she started to write a response.

"House, stop bothering me! I am over you! Leave me alone. Allison." By sending the text, she hoped that House would stop writing now. It was the best for him. She just knew it!

Her vision was blurry. Pictures were swimming in front of her eyes again but she just couldn´t see them clearly, She tried. She really did but it wouldn´t work and then they were gone; replaced by a white light. Was it the sun? Was she dead? Then suddenly voices could be heard; female ones. One familiar and one she never heard before. She could only hear them but she couldn´t understood a word. It was too much, the light, the voices. She didn´t want to deal with them and so she tried to sleep again drifting away from everything around her.

The next time she woke up no voices were heard just the beeping of some machines. Was this her heartbeat? Was she alive and in the hospital? What the hell happened? Too many questions to deal with but she knew she would have to, sooner or later. Opening her eyes hurt because of the light. It took some minutes until she could adjust to the light but then Allison Cameron opened her eyes and looked around. She was right. This was really a hospital and she was a patient. But why? What happened?

"Welcome back again, Dr. Cameron!" There was that familiar voice again. This time Cameron recognized it immediately - Dr. Lisa Cuddy, her former boss.

"Dr. Cuddy? Why am I here? What happened?" She looked around. Something was wrong. Something horrible happened but she had no idea what. Just a bad feeling was bothering her.

"Oh, you don´t remember, Allison? Well, let me help you. You were found about 10 days ago, unconscious in the forest. That´s what happened." Lisa's wannabe nice smile just felt wrong. There was more and Cameron needed to know what it was. NOW.

"Ahm, in the forest? Did I have an accident? Did I fall or something?"

Cuddy's smile grew even wider and she responded with her most fake and sweet voice: "An accident? Hell, no! You were high as a kit, my dear. Your blood seemed to consist just of cocaine and alcohol. That´s not an accident, that´s suicide!"

Allison felt dizzy again. Suicide? Could this really be? She closed her eyes, trying to remember what happened and not noticing Cuddy silently leaving the room. The last thing she remembered was the stupid fundraiser and House. Of course House, it´s always House. But what happened afterwards? Cameron tried hard to remember but the harder she tried the less she knew. Her body was still exhausted and it didn´t take long until she drifted back to sleep.

She found herself in her living room again- dancing, laughing and high. The music ended as fast as it began and the room was spinning. There she was again but not laughing anymore. Now she was screaming for help, laying on the floor and making her fatal decision...

Allison woke up immediately. She sat straight up in bed, her body sweaty and her eyes wide open, showing the shock she felt inside her. She wanted to scream but no sound came out. Inside hot tears were invading her cheeks.

"Shh, it´s okay Allison. I´m here!" She felt a hand on her back, stroking her soothingly. Cameron turned around, looking straight into Wilson's eyes.

"Oh my god Wilson, what have I done? I am sorry, so sorry!" Now it was just too much. She couldn´t control herself anymore. Her body was shaking and she sobbed loudly into Wilson's chest when the door burst open and Cuddy walked into the room with two male nurses behind her.

Her voice was emotionless when she spoke. "Oh, please Cameron! It´s too late to cry now. It´s your own fault that you´re here but don´t worry, everything is arranged."

Wilson looked angry and Cameron shocked: "What do you mean? What is arranged?"

"Your stay at Maysfield, of course! You don´t really believe I would send you home like that. You're a threat to yourself and others. Believe me, it´s better that way."

"Please, don´t do this", Cameron´s voice was full of desperation now. "Please! I will take professional help from now on. I promise! But not there. I want to stay at home. My work and all..."

"Save the words. You´ve been committed and that´s my final word. Oh and don´t worry about your work. You were fired yesterday. A junkie can´t run a hospital. That´s a fact."

Giving the two nurses a short nod, they went to Allison's bed and wheeled the helpless woman out of the room. Wilson was standing there, shocked and speechless. This all seemed so unreal, like a dream; a very bad dream and her screams would never leave him alone anymore; of that much he was certain. The picture in front of him was just horrible and it hurt him to no end. Cameron, still weak and tired, was crying, screaming, begging Cuddy to let her go, and promising to change, to get help. Her eyes full of tears, sending helpless looks to Wilson, begging him to help her, to not let her down, to give her a chance, a last chance. Being wheeled through the door, Allison took a last look over her shoulder and shouted one last time:

"Wilson, please tell House about this. Please, you have to, please!" Then everything was silent, a scary and horrible silence; only broken by a widely grinning Cuddy: "Tell him and that will be your last sentence as a doctor. I promise!"

Watching her leave, Wilson couldn´t help but let his tears fall, feeling sick and helpless.

**Merry Christmas once more! Hope you liked this chapter!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I own nothing! Thank you so much for hughville for being my wonderful beta!**

**So sorry for the delay! RL was/is bitchy but I won´t give up this story. **

**A big THANK YOU SO MUCH Airabelle, JackSam, ShipperCrazed-FanFicCrazy, coastspy and lovefanfic55 for the wonderful comments! You guys are awesome!**

**Chapter 12**

Allison was lying on her bed at Mayfield, like she did all day. She felt like a broken shell. The pain invading her body because of the rehab was finally beginning to fade away but the pain in her heart wouldn´t fade that easily.

The emptiness was still deep inside her. The thought of making it through rehab gave her some hope although she wasn´t so naive as to think that she had finally won the battle against the drugs. God knew she was far from it. Although she learned to live without them, she sometimes still felt the need for them but she just refused to give in; for now anyway.

Her eating disorder was even harder to overcome. Allison still didn´t felt like eating although she had to. So she ate as much as she needed to survive; nothing more. Her fear of being ugly and not good enough was too overwhelming. The hurtful words from Chase refused to leave her and even followed her into her dreams. That is when sleep came which was not too often. Most of the time she was lying in bed at night thinking. Mostly Allison thought about her time with Chase and about House.

House. She couldn´t help but think of him although it seemed like he finally forgot about her. Cameron waited for a call. After one week passed she gave up, knowing deep inside that she wasn´t good enough for him, not even good enough for a phone call. Or maybe Wilson hadn´t told him because of Cuddy?

Sighing, Allison Cameron stood up. Thinking wouldn´t help now; she had to do the homework her therapist gave her. His words rang in her head.

„Allison, before you fight against your inner demons, you need something or somebody worth fighting for. You need a reason to live and your homework is to find that reason. What are you living for? Write it down and tell me the next time."

A reason to live? Not really an easy task. After all she tried to kill herself; wasn´t that answer enough? But nonetheless Allison tried. She wanted to fight and she wanted to make it, somehow. So she took her pencil and a piece of paper and began.

My parents.

She doubted they were her reason. When was the last time she saw them anyway? They didn´t even seemed like family anymore; too busy thinking about themselves and visiting the world, a world without her. She was nothing more than a trophy and a disappointment at the same time.

„That´s our Ally! You know she´s a doctor, a very good one! She has to be wonderful because she was working for one of the best doctors ever, Dr. Gregory House! But sadly she has no time for a family. I mean, a lonely woman without her own family..."

It was like that the all the time. Thank God she didn't tell them about Chase. They would probably hate her for running away.

My parents - not a great idea.

My brother.

He was too busy with his own life. At least he was the perfect child in their parents' eyes: young, handsome, very good at what he did with a beautiful wife and perfect kids. Thinking about him made her even more depressed.

My brother - no.

My work.

This would have been her reason some time ago but not anymore. After all she had done everything to be the best for her hospital and she always loved her job. But now? She didn´t even have a job and after all Cuddy had said, it would be impossible to work again at her old hospital, no matter how good she was.

My work - sadly not a reason anymore.

That left only one reason: House.

She knew it didn´t make sense. He didn´t love her, never did. To him she was nothing but a small, naive little girl, his personal slave who was stupid enough to do all his work, sorting his mail, making coffee; she even enjoyed it because it was for HIM. She knew he was with Cuddy and she really hoped he was happy although it broke her heart in a million pieces. Maybe seeing him as happy as he could be was her reason in life. Maybe her happiness depended on his.

House being her reason was stupid and unrealistic but it felt right. Her therapist told her she should listen to her heart and not her brain and she couldn´t stop thinking that it felt just too right.

House. 

* * *

James Wilson was still fighting a battle with himself. He couldn´t get Cameron out of his head. Her screams and pleas haunted him even at night. Everywhere he went, no matter what he did, she just wouldn´t leave him. He found himself going to House and trying to tell him the truth but then Cuddy came along again. She didn´t just force him to keep his mouth shut but tried to brainwash him. Cuddy wouldn´t stop telling him that bothering House about Cameron would only make him even more miserable. He deserved something better, a family like herself and Rachel. He deserved happiness and how could a depressed and damaged woman give him all that? He was damaged enough and needed somebody to heal him.

Still House didn´t look happy at all. He pushed Cuddy even farther away and didn't bother talking or listening to her, now even less than before. It seemed like he was ignoring everybody and everything around him. Speaking to him was a task for only the bravest people. He was harsher and meaner to everybody and the walls closed around him more and more each day. Not even Wilson could come near him.

Most of the time he sat in his office thinking; he seemed lost and heartbroken. Could it be that Cameron´s absence was bothering him? Could it be that he was missing her? Could it be that he felt something for her even though he would never admit it? Was this really about Allison Cameron?

Of course Wilson tried to speak to him but House simply ignored him. No matter what he said or did, House remained silent. Just once when Wilson asked him about Cameron, House seemed to listen for a second but then he became distant again, his face even darker than before.

Wilson hurt seeing House suffer. Since Cuddy wouldn't help, he made a decision and drove to House´s apartment one night. Knowing that House wouldn´t answer the door, he took his key and entered.

He went straight to House who was sitting at his piano but instead of playing he just sat there staring at nothing. He was obviously thinking again.

„House!"

No answer.

„House!"

Still nothing.

Wilson couldn´t take it anymore. „I have to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago and I'm just going to say it once so you better listen."

Taking a deep breath, he began. „Cameron tried to commit suicide. She was found in the forest, almost dead and brought to PPTH. Her life was saved and she´s at Mayfield. I wanted to tell you this before but you have to understand that I just couldn´t. I am sorry, House."

For the first time House finally showed a reaction. Listening to every word, he eyed Wilson closely.

„What do you mean, you couldn`t?" Seeing that Wilson was getting nervous, he knew there was more, so much more. Growing impatient, he added, „Oh, just cut the crap, Wilson! You wanted to talk, so talk and tell me everything. I can tell when you´re lying! So tell me; why couldn´t you tell me or who forbade you to tell me?"

Seeing House growing angrier every minute, Wilson finally gave in.

„I am not allowed to tell you anything because Cuddy threatened to fire me. She thinks you´re too damaged and Cameron would make everything worse. I'm sorry, really sorry for not telling you!"

„How long have you been lying to me?"

„About a month now", Wilson replied with quiet shame.

„And why did you change your mind?"

Closing his eyes so he didn't have to look in House´s eyes, Wilson could see and hear Cameron again and he felt even worse than before.

„Because I just can´t get the sight out of my mind, that terrible sight. Cameron never wanted to go to Mayfield. She cried and begged Cuddy to let her stay. She seemed so lost and devastated but Cuddy didn´t give in. It was almost like Cuddy was enjoying her misery and she even told Cameron´s hospital the truth or some lies, I don´t know. In the end Cameron was fired because of it. Before she was taken away, Cameron begged to speak to you, she wanted to see you and begged me to tell you what was going on but I was too much of a coward. Again I am sorry, so sorry. You have to believe me, House!"

House´s eyes darkened with anger and his voice was dangerously calm when he spoke. „You expect me to believe you after all you did? How many times did you call me a jerk and now you're sacrificing Cameron´s health to keep your job? That´s low, even for you. I expect this sort of thing from Cuddy. I know what a bitch she can be or did you really believe she got her job because she was that good in medicine? Maybe in bed, but definitely not in medicine. Get out, Wilson. I've heard enough and I can't look at you right now. Just get out."

Knowing that there was no sense in arguing, Wilson turned to leave but before he did so, he had to ask what was on his mind the whole time, „What are you going to do now?"

„I have no idea," House answered honestly.

* * *

House tossed and turned in his bed and sleep just wouldn´t come. He thought that things would be better now that at least a part of the mystery was solved but he was wrong.

Cameron just wouldn´t leave his mind and what scared him the most was the question of why he just couldn´t forget her. He told himself that she was a mystery; a very beautiful one but there had to be more. Why did her image haunt him? Why couldn´t he get the image of a stoned and skinny Cameron out of his head? He shouldn´t care. After all she was an adult and could do whatever she wanted but he did care.

He even tried to find her once. He went to her hospital but all they told him was that she wasn´t working there anymore. Her apartment remained empty and her parents wouldn´t answer the phone, nor did she. House felt stupid afterwards and told himself that he wouldn´t run like a puppy after her. After all she was in love with him!

He kept himself telling it was better this way and that she was away because she found somebody else; a better man than he was, somebody who could save her; not a crippled, old jerk like he was. She deserved better, that was for sure!

But Wilson's confession changed everything. His Cameron at Mayfield? That wasn´t right. She was too beautiful and too pure to be there. She was too perfect and too fragile. No, it wasn´t right! She didn´t belong there.

It was after midnight when sleep overtook him but when he woke up, House knew immediately what he had to do.

SCPA has to go on! After all he was Gregory House and Gregory House would never give in.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I own nothing! Thank you so much hughville for being my wonderful beta!**

**A big THANK YOU JackSam, AllyCameron and MaggieNovember for your wonderful comments! This chapter is for you!**

Chapter 13

After House ate his favorite cereal, he dressed quickly and went straight to Cameron´s apartment. A part of him refused to believe that she really tried to kill herself. He didn´t know why but he wanted to believe it was an accident yet he knew that his Cameron wasn´t that stupid. To put his mind at ease, House went to look around her apartment, just like his team did with patients. Knowing Cam so well, he found her spare key immediately and opened the door, eager to see what lay behind it.

He always imagined Cameron's apartment as orderly and neat with subtle but elegant furniture. The reality was very different. On her dining table were several syringes, some new and some obviously used ones. He found cocaine nearby. Two half full bottles of alcohol were standing on the floor. Making his way to the kitchen, he found it neat and it was obvious she rarely used it. The fridge was almost empty, containing only some apples, salad and two bottles of wine. Realizing he'd seen enough, House just wanted to go away, far away. He felt like fleeing from the knowledge that everything Wilson said was really true. As he reached the front door, a piece of paper caught his eye; Cameron´s goodbye letter.

The route to Mayfield had never been longer although House knew it by heart. This was the third time this week he drove this route.

The last two times he found himself standing before the front door, unable to find the strength to enter. It was all too much. He found himself thinking about the first time he stood there. At least he had a choice in the beginning. He wanted to be there because of his Vicodin addiction, but that was all. He knew how it felt to be forced to stay. Of course he had a choice; no work and no diagnostic puzzles to solve if he left without further treatment. For him, that wasn't really a choice. When he was released he had something waiting for him, his work. But what was waiting for Cameron? Nothing and no-one, that's what. The possibility of being there for her scared him to death. So he went back to the car and drove back, feeling slightly better but nonetheless like a stupid coward. But when night came, he just couldn´t stop thinking about her and he felt even more cowardly then. Cameron and her stupid goodbye letter wouldn't stop haunting him. He would never forget her written words. Her declaration of love scared him. House never expected that. He was sure that she was over him, that she never really loved him at all, perhaps had a crush on him, but never loved him.

But this time, the third drive would be the last one and to prevent himself from fleeing again, he came prepared.

First of all, he took a month of vacation time, telling Cuddy that he needed some time to think about his life and everything. He had enough vacation time from last year and so that wasn´t really a problem. The only thing he had to promise her was to help if a very difficult case came in. The hope in Cuddy´s eyes made him sick because he would never forget what she did to Cameron. Now was not the time for revenge, though. That would come later.

House left the hospital without a word to Wilson and wasn´t in the mood to speak to him any time soon. House was used to being betrayed but when it came from his best friend, it just hurt too much.

Deep inside he knew that Wilson hadn't meant to hurt Cameron or him. After all, House´s voicemail was filled with his apologies and he knew that Wilson meant everything he said. House could hear the sincerity in his voice. Several times his best friend told him that he thought that Mayfield could help Cameron like it helped House. He told House that sometimes you have to force somebody to heal. He kept explaining about how conflicted he'd been and how worried he'd been about House. Wilson cared deeply for his friend and during that uncertain time he wanted to believe Cuddy when she told him that House needed peace and some space to cope with his problems. Wilson really had worried that Cam´s problems would be too much for him. After all, he'd seen the softness and pride in House´s eyes when they talked about „his girl" and he thought maybe Cameron could cope without him and so Wilson could spare him a lot of pain. In the end, though, Wilson couldn´t ignore the voices in his heart telling him that Cuddy was fooling him and that she never really cared about House or Cameron. Hell, sometimes she didn´t even care enough for her own daughter. The voices became louder and louder each day until Wilson could no longer ignore them and he stopped fooling himself.

In addition to that, House knew, better than Wilson himself, that his best and only friend developed a crush on Cuddy a long time ago although he would never admit it. Nonetheless, House was hurt.

After leaving the hospital, he went to his apartment and started to pack everything he needed for the next month. Taking his bag to his car, he started out and after half an hour he reached his destination, Greenhills.

Greenhills was a town thirty minutes away from Princeton. It was very small, quiet and peaceful, the perfect place to hide from the stressful, dirty and loud world around. The town was situated on a large hill above Princeton. The land there was overgrown but nonetheless very beautiful. The town contained only few small shops, a bakery, a cozy bistro and it seemed that time had passed by this quaint place.

Nobody but his mother knew about House´s bungalow near the forest in Greenhills. He bought it several years ago when he felt the need to be anonymous and alone. The bungalow had enough space for two people, was decorated simply but was very comfortable. Instead of a flowery garden, House had a small forest with a lake behind the house. A really breathtaking place; perfect for some time to recover.

„House, this is really not the right place and time for jokes. I need to know if I can trust you with this. So I'll ask you again. Why do you want to take Dr. Cameron with you?"

Nolan became more frustrated with every minute that passed. Although he had been a psychiatrist for many years, Gregory House always managed to surprise and shock him. This time, he had no idea what to think about this situation.

Nolan wasn´t the only one getting frustrated. Moving around in his chair, House just couldn´t come up with the right answer. Maybe he should leave and forget about everything. It would be the easiest way but wouldn´t that make him a coward?

Sighing loudly, House looked deeply into Nolan´s eyes, searching for an answer. It was too late to run or limp away.

„Honestly, I don´t even know why I am here. I hate the feeling knowing that Cameron´s here. It´s unfair and I just can´t let Cuddy win this fight," he said.

„This isn´t about winning a war or stroking your ego, House!" Nolan told him sternly.

„I know that. But I don´t want her here. You know I can help her. I have to admit that I am not really the kindest person but Cameron was always good at dealing with me. After all she called for me when she needed help. I won´t make false promises. You have to trust me here."

Nolan watched House closely the whole time. He could see determination in his eyes and something else, something new he never saw there before. Even after many sessions with House, Cameron was still a mystery to Nolan. He knew about Wilson, Cuddy and even about House´s parents but when it came to this young and beautiful doctor, House just wouldn´t tell him much. She had a special place in his life that was certain. It seemed like she had gotten far too close to House although he would never admit it. Every time her name was mentioned, his eyes seemed to soften even though his words remained hard as stone. It was a difficult decision but Nolan really needed to make a decision now.

„Listen, House, I am only human and right now I don´t really know the right thing to do. All I know is that you´re a very important person for Cameron. She called out for you a lot when she was detoxing but she´s a different person now. She's even more broken and damaged. It was too much for her; too much happened and recovery won´t be easy. If you hurt her, it may kill her. You need to remember that; this isn´t a game anymore. So here´s my deal, you can talk to her but she decides whether she goes with you or not and you have to accept whatever she decides. You can visit her now and talk to her. Come back to see me when you're done. Good luck, House, to both of you."

Five minutes later House was on his way to Cameron´s room. His mind was racing and he thought that talking with Nolan had been the easiest part. Fear overwhelmed him as he stood in front of her door, ready to knock. Was he really doing the right thing or was this the beginning of the end? There was only one way to find out and it would begin with this knock.

Knock, knock...


	14. Chapter 14

First of all: I AM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER!

This chapter contains two songs I loved when I started to write this chapter (months ago): Hurts - Stay and Scouting For Girls - This ain´t a love song. The last song inspired me very much. I heard it, loved it and it reminded me of Hameron. I really hope you like it!

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Laura for your wonderful work!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Author note: Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Honestly. Sadly. Not House. Not Cameron. None of these two songs. NOTHING.

Knocking again, House leaned on his cane and waited for an answer, but none came. Being an impatient man, he opened the door slowly and as quietly as possible so as not to scare her.

Glancing into her room, his eyes searched the room until he found Cameron on the bed with a book in her hand, sleeping. Feeling his leg becoming more painful each second, he sat down on the chair near her bed and watched her sleeping form closely.

She was still far too skinny and she looked stressed even in her sleep. Her brown hair fell loose over her narrow shoulders, making her pale skin seem almost transluscent. Her once red lips were closed and seemed almost blue. Although Cameron was sleeping, she looked tired as hell; like she was fighting the whole time. Maybe she really was.

_Every night I remember that event  
The way you looked when you said you were leaving  
The way you cried as you turned to walk away  
_

House couldn´t help but think back to the last time he saw her. He avoided thinking about it because the memory was too hurtful. She was so beautiful the evening she said goodbye - to him, to Chase, to Princeton - and walked away. He could still hear her words; they haunted him in his dreams. He couldn't deny that her words didn't matter. They did. Her soft lips on his cheek, her eyes filled with tears. That was the only time in his life he was speechless. When she turned and walked away from him and his life, he felt like shouting to her to not go. He needed her, she was his, she just couldn´t leave, not without him. But he was a silent coward, again.

_The cruel words and the false accusations  
The mean looks and the same old frustrations  
I never thought that we'd throw it all away  
But we threw it all away._

Seeing her turn in her sleep and hearing her stressed moan, House felt terrible. Was this all his fault? Was she here because of him? He had been cruel towards her every day at work. Many times he caught himself being crueler to her than to her coworkers. She scared him, came too close, was too nice and he pushed her away before this strong little woman could tear down the walls surrounding him. Coward! Cameron was the strongest of all. She took his shit, never complained but stayed calm and stayed with him.

From the beginning, he felt the magic between them, the passion, but he wouldn´t give in and give them a chance. He just pushed her away for years; told her that he didn´t like her until she gave up and went to Chase. House had no idea what happened with her afterwards but he bet the stupid little wombat had done something that made her break completely and he would find out. Could he have saved her? What would have happened if he gave them a chance? Would she still be here?

_And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
And I'm a little bit lost without you  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)_

But now was not the time to think about what ifs. It was too late. Things happened and now they had to deal with them. All House knew was that she had to come with him. He needed her as much as she needed him. She was his beautiful moral compass, his untouchable lobby art, the doctor he was most proud of, the one who always was there for him and everybody else except herself. He had to make this work for both of them. House wanted to feel the way she made him feel again. Like he was something special and worth loving.

_I've been lost, I've been losing  
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion  
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not  
I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting  
I may be scared and a little bit frightened  
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life  
I'll be coming back to life_

Seeing Cameron toss and turn in her sleep scared House even more. What if she was too damaged for him to handle? What if he broke what was left of her? He was as damaged as she was. They were lost, tired, hurt and confused. They were damaged and betrayed. He hated himself sometimes for being such an ass to her, for comparing her to Stacy and making her suffer because of his awful past. He wasn´t mad at her but at himself, at Stacy and the ass he called dad. She scared him far too much with all her niceness and her beauty, inside and out. He had to fight his demons, for their both sakes and now was the time to start. Hoping not to scare her, he touched her shoulder and shook it lightly, trying to wake her from her nightmares.

She woke up with a start and her wonderful but pale green eyes widened in shock when she saw him. He had to look back at her, he just had to.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
And I'm a little bit lost without you  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)  
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)  
_

„House"? she questioned. She sounded as tired as she looked but nonetheless she was the prettiest thing on earth when she looked at him like that.

„I am here," he said softly so as not to scare her.

Feeling awake immediately, Cameron sat up on her bed and watched House closely. She couldn´t believe he was here. The whole situation seemed so unreal.

„What are you doing here?" she asked.

„Well, I am glad to see you, too," he quipped sarcastically. Seeing the question on her face, he spoke again. „I am here to take you with me."

That seemed like a nice, simple answer.

„Why?" she persisted.

Okay, not as easy as he thought.

Looking at Cameron, he couldn´t help but sigh. This was getting harder every minute.

„Look Cameron, you´re too pretty to sit around in a mad house being wasted here. That´s why I thought you would look much better on my couch. Your brown hair and the red couch - a perfect looking pair."

Cameron stood up and went to the window to watch the sun go down. She didn´t want him to see the tears in her eyes. She really believed at the beginning that he was here for her. Stupid naive Allison! Her voice almost broke when she spoke.

„You´ve got Cuddy now to look good on your couch."

House was getting frustrated.

„But I want you. You´re prettier and younger than her and red is your color."

Although she was still facing the window, he knew that she was crying. Great, he'd done it again. Standing up, he took his cane and limped towards her, reaching out to turn her around. The sight before him almost broke his heart. She tried to be strong but he could see the traces of tears left on her cheeks. House felt like kissing them away but he knew he had to be careful. So he spoke softly, his eyes never leaving her beautiful face.

„Just forget about Cuddy right now, okay? She´s not worth thinking about. I meant it when I said you don´t belong here. I know how it feels to go through this crap and I want to be here for you. Don´t ask me why because I don´t have an answer and I can't promise anything. I am not your hero or prince. I don´t know what will happen. So stop thinking about romantic love stories because I am not one for such cheesy crap. You know me - I am a jerk and I won´t change but you being here seems so wrong; you´re always there for everyone and nobody´s here for you. That doesn't seem fair. I am not a great prize but hey, I am damaged and so are you. Let´s be damaged together! The best ones are damaged. So what do you think?"

Cameron remained silent, not believing what she heard. Her mind was spinning. Did he really mean it? One look into his wonderful blue eyes and she knew he really did. But could she trust him?

„What is this about, House? What am I to you? Is this one of your sick experiments? How long will it take to break Cameron down? Sorry, you´re too late for that. Already broken. So why are you here? Did Cuddy send you?"

His conversation with Nolan seemed like small talk compared to this. The anger and hurt in her eyes didn't make this any easier, but he had to stay calm now, he just had to!

„Cuddy has nothing to do with this. Our little sex-thing is over and I am not talking about her right now, so don´t even ask. This is about you. I want you out of here. I want you to feel better. That´s it; it's so simple. Now stop bitching and come with me."

Cameron closed her eyes. It was all too much for her.

„I don´t want to go back to Princeton."

„You don´t have to. I´ve got a small house in Greenhills. Nolan has my address, so you don´t have to worry that I'll kill you," he told her smirking.

Cameron felt her head spinning. What the hell was happening here?

„House, it's not that simple. I need time to think and Nolan..."

„Why do woman have to make everything so dramatic and harder than it is? Nolan will let you go; it´s all up to you now. I´ll give you one hour to think and pack. I won´t ask again."

With a last deep look into her eyes, he turned around and opened the door. Looking back, he added smirking, "Come on Cammie, don´t let this chance pass you by. You know you want to come with me."

_Whoooo  
And you can try (you can try)  
And you can try but you'll never keep me down  
And you can try (you can try)  
And you can try but you'll never keep me down_

La la la la la la la  
(I wont be lost, i wont be down)

And I'm a little bit lost without you  
And I'm a bloody big mess inside  
This ain't a love song this is goodbye

It's alright (It's alright) cause you can try but you'll never keep me down  
It's alright (It's alright) I may be lost but you'll never keep me down  
You can try (you can try) you can try but you'll never keep me down  
You cant try (you can try) I know i'm lost but I'm waiting to be found  
you'll never keep me down  
you'll never keep me down  
never keep me down

_:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Cameron stared at the door for several minutes. Had House really been here or was this a cruel dream again? She just couldn´t believe it but she could still smell the addictive smell that was House. Trying to calm herself, she sat in the chair he was sitting in when she woke up, trying to feel his warmth but it was too late. Everything but his smell was gone. What the hell was she supposed to do?

_My whole life waiting for the right time_

_To tell you how I feel._

_Know I try to tell you that I need you._

_Here I am without you._

_I feel so lost but what can I do?_

_'Cause I know this love seems real_

_But I don't know how to feel._

__Wasn´t this what she always wanted, to be with House? She had waited for this since the first time she saw him. When he came in, he made her feel amazing just by staring at her. It hurt to be with him; it always did but in a good way. He made her feel better sometimes and right now she felt lost without him. The love she tried to deny for so long was back and left no space for doubts. She really loved him but the thought of living with him scared her. Why? Why was everything so damn confusing? How should she feel; happy, scared, naive, fooled?

_We say goodbye in the pouring rain_

_And I break down as you walk away._

_Stay, stay._

_'Cause all my life I felt this way_

_But I could never find the words to say_

_Stay, stay._

Cameron knew it would be easier to let him go but the easiest way wasn't always the best. She knew this by heart. After all, she left him not so long ago. She thought it was the best for her, for them, for everyone but she was so wrong. Walking away from him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She had felt like breaking down but didn't show it. Deep inside Cameron had waited for him to say something, one word, anything, but she never heard it. He had let her go.

_Alright, everything is alright_

_Since you came along_

_And before you_

_I had nowhere to run to_

_Nothing to hold on to_

_I came so close to giving it up._

_And I wonder if you know_

_How it feels to let you go?_

Her life was like a nightmare without him and Chase was her very own devil. He broke her and she thought she would never feel happiness again until ten minutes ago. House came and she felt hope rising inside, small and scared but still hope. For the first time in her life she felt truly safe with him. He was a jerk but she knew he would never hit her nor do the cruel things Chase did. Cameron always knew it. Without him she came so close to giving u. She was shocked how far she went even though she still couldn´t remember everything that up everything. She was shocked at the extremes she went to. She still didn't remember everything that happened that night but she knew would be lost without House; lost and incomplete. Should she really let him walk away today?

_You say goodbye in the pouring rain_

_And I break down as you walk away._

_Stay, stay._

_'Cause all my life I felt this way_

_But I could never find the words to say_

_Stay, stay_

Feeling exhausted again, Cameron stood up and looked outside. Being here felt like prison. Being with House but not being able to touch him felt even worse. But what if...

_So you change your mind_

_And say you're mine._

_Don't leave tonight_

_Stay._

Cameron had enough. Thinking wasn´t helping. She needed to decide; now. There were only two possibilities:

A) Staying here and trying to go on without House, alone. Forever.

B) Take a chance and go with him. Enjoy every single minute with him, even though she knew she would fool herself into thinking that he felt something for her; not love but still something.

She had nothing to lose because everything was already gone. House couldn´t break her heart because there was nothing left to break. Knowing what she had to do, she stood up and began.

_Say goodbye in the pouring rain_

_And I break down as you walk away._

_Stay, stay._

_'Cause all my life I felt this way_

_But I could never find the words to say_

_Stay, stay._

When House came back, he found Cameron sitting on her suitcase and he couldn´t help but smile. The twinkle in her eyes was coming back. He just hoped he wouldn´t mess this up. This might be his last chance to do something right.

_Stay with me, stay with me,_

_Stay with me, stay with me,_

_Stay, stay, stay, stay with me._


	15. Chapter 15

I am truely sorry that it took me so long AGAIN to write the next chapter! Thank you everybody who left a review! You guys make my day!

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Laura for your great work! I would be lost without you!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Honestly. Sadly. Not House. Not Cameron. NOTHING.

After grabbing her things, Cameron followed House quietly into Nolan´s office where he waited for them. They knew they had to accept everything Nolan said because it was the only way to get Cameron out. It turned out to be a one sided-talk. Nolan's instructions were simple and short: phone calls at regular intervals; weekly counseling sessions with Nolan; Cameron was not allowed to stay alone for long; breaking the rules meant Cameron came back to Mayfield.

It was almost midnight when House and Cameron left Nolan´s office. House stayed quiet most of the time and Cameron knew better than to ask questions. She was also far too tired for a discussion right then. The events of the previous day were unexpected and exhausting. Her insomnia and bad dreams didn't help, either.

The drive to House´s cottage was a silent one. He even left the radio off as he drove through the woods toward their new home. Cameron decided to stop thinking for today and tried everything to keep from falling asleep in the car.

Thirty minutes later they finally arrived and panic hit House although he tried everything not to show it. There was no going back. This was their home now; just the two of them.

Switching the light on, House made his way to the living room, followed by Cameron carrying her luggage.

„I guess the grand tour will have to wait until tomorrow. My leg hurts like hell and you look like hell. I´ll show you to your bedroom and the bathroom. That'll have to do for now."

Cameron´s only answer was a short nod as she followed him to her new room. Her bedroom was the first room on the right, opposite House´s bedroom and next to the bathroom. After House left, she glanced around and found it simple but truly beautiful with white walls, dark brown wooden floor and ceiling. The furnishings were simple but Cameron had everything she needed. A single bed with simple white linens, a wardrobe with a large mirror standing beside it and a bookshelf filled with old medical books and magazines which probably belonged to House. In front of the window was a simple table with a chair.

Without bothering to shower, Cameron changed into a pair of long, comfortable pajama pants and a long, over-sized t-shirt. Switching the lights off, she dropped on to the bed, hoping that exhaustion would lull her into a deep and long sleep.

In the room across the hall, House was doing the same thing, lying in his bed. He tried to think about what he would do next. Everything seemed so simple without Cameron but now, with her here, it was more difficult than he had ever imagined but it was too late. He wasn´t bastard enough to tell her that he was sorry but he changed his mind. Although the whole situation was a mess, it felt somehow right. It was good to have Cameron back or what was left of her. Of course she wasn´t the same person as before but she would be soon or so he hoped before he closed his eyes and drifted into a deep slumber.

The next day came too fast for both of them. Cameron was awakened by the sun and stretched slowly. After a moment of disorientation, she remembered where she was and who brought her here. She couldn´t help but think that she'd made a huge mistake by coming with him but she had nothing to lose so she gave up thinking, grabbed some clothes and made her way to the bathroom. When she came out, she found House in the kitchen, sitting at the table and reading a newspaper. He looked far too good, clad in tight jeans and an R.E.M. t-shirt.

„ Good morning, sleeping beauty. Grab yourself something to eat and while you´re at it, make some coffee. I haven´t had a good cup since you left," he said without bothering to look up.

It was then Allison realized that she slept through the night with no nightmares, no insomnia, only deep and restful sleep. Looking around, she noticed the coffee maker and began her task. It felt strange but familiar, making coffee for the two of them, like before when she worked for him. Sighing, she turned around to wait for the coffee to brew, and came face to face with the incredible blue eyes of one Greg House staring at her. Slowly he grabbed his cane and stood up.

„I promised you a grand tour, so here we go. Kitchen is here." Taking his cane he pointed to his left side. „Here´s the living room and there´s my room and the room at the end of the corridor is another guest room." Cameron couldn´t help but smile. It was a short but very Housian tour.

Turning around he faced the kitchen again. „By the way, coffee´s ready!" Taking a red mug, he filled it and took a sip, sighing happily. „Good to know that you haven´t lost the ability to make coffee; that'll be your job from now on. I'm going to take a shower so you stay here and eat; there´s enough food in the kitchen so help yourself. Afterwards I´ll show you the garden and the town."

Cameron sighed. Her eating disorder still bothered her but she was grateful that House left her alone. Looking in the fridge, she took out a carton of yoghurt and began eating slowly. It was still a challenge to eat but she promised herself to fight and she finished the yoghurt as House came out of the bathroom.

After cleaning up the kitchen, they went out and Cameron got her garden tour. She was speechless with admiration. House called it a garden but that was an understatement. The area was huge and looked more like a meadow with a small lake in the middle. Everything was surrounded by a dark but nonetheless beautiful forest; a truly breathtaking sight. Only the terrace with four garden chairs and a table made it look like a garden.

House stood there and didn´t even notice the beauty around him. All he could think of was the beautiful young woman in front of him. He couldn´t help but smile when he saw the way her eyes lit up with admiration for their surroundings. It was the first real emotion she'd shown since she arrived. She still remained silent and the wall she built around herself was higher than Mount Everest. Although he wouldn´t admit it, he could now understand Wilson´s frustration because House was the master of building walls himself.

In consideration of House's leg, they made their way slowly to the nearby town. Cameron listened closely to everything House told her about the area but she barely spoke to him, only nodded or smiled to encourage him. She loved listening to his witty and sarcastic stories. After wandering through the streets, they stopped for coffee before they made their way back to the house again.

House and Cameron spent the rest of the evening sitting on the terrace and reading. Although Greg was more a TV kind of guy, he refused to leave Cameron alone. Watching her reading may have been a nice sight but House couldn´t take the silence anymore. So he took the first book he found and hoped it would bring him the distraction he needed.

The next few days passed slowly and silently. House and Cameron developed a routine. While one ate breakfast, the other used the bathroom. Afterwards they would take a quiet walk or enjoy each other's company in the garden. Instead of lunch, they had a little snack in front of the TV. House knew about Cameron´s eating problems and he tried everything he could not to pressure her. He always hated to be told what to do and he wouldn´t make the same mistake with Cameron. The TV was a nice distraction and she was able to take her time eating without House staring at her the whole time. It worked and Cameron started to eat again; not much but it was enough for now.

Sometimes they walked to the small town to grab some coffee and in the evening Cameron cooked dinner. She told House it was the least she could do for him and House was not one to say no to a home cooked meal.

Cameron wouldn´t talk much during day. She was still acting very polite but distant and it bothered House to no end. The silence annoyed him more each day. He kept the TV or the radio on to mask it but it was no use. It was harder for him each day to stay patient; taking care of Cameron was hard enough for him. He felt like yelling and shaking her but restrained himself when he thought of what she went through each night. She had nightmares every night. He listened to her screams and sobbing and it broke his heart. Cameron had enough to deal with and a yelling, frustrated House was the last thing she needed now.

The first week passed quietly and House found himself sitting in the garden, thinking. Cameron had her weekly session with Nolan and so he had some time to think about everything. He knew that a lot had to change and he could understand why Cameron wouldn´t let him in. After all, he hurt her far too many times and it seemed Chase must have done something really bad, too, considering that she begged Chase for forgiveness and to not hurt her during her nightmares.

House was so deep in thought, at first he didn´t even notice Cameron entering the garden. She tried to smile but she was exhausted. The sessions with Nolan wore her out.

„I was thinking..." House began without even knowing what to say.

„Did it hurt much?"

House turned his head with a jerk towards Cameron and smirked.

„My, my Dr. Cameron you´re not trying to joke, right?"

Cameron felt a slight blush tinge her cheeks and House decided to go on.

„No, it didn´t hurt - much. What would you think about the two of us going out, seeing a movie or maybe going to a fancy restaurant or something like that?"

Cameron studied his face for a long time before she looked away.

„Like a date?"

House sighed. „Do you always need a definition for everything? I don´t know. Call it what you want. Call it a date or a non-date or a rendezvous or an appointment. I really don´t care. Let´s wait and see what happens. First you have to say yes."

Cameron´s face was expressionless but when she spoke, House could hear her inner turmoil.

„House, that´s really nice and all but I'm sorry. I can´t. I ..."

He had enough. What else should he do? His frustration was high and he couldn´t restrain himself.

„Stop this „I am so sorry" crap. I don´t need this shit. You've made it clear. You don´t want to deal with me. I get it. God, I was so stupid to think I could help you! You know what? All that I did for you was the biggest mistake I ever made and believe me I've made many mistakes in my life! You don´t want my help? FINE. You can go back tomorrow and die of self-pity or an overdose."

Without paying attention to the tears and desperation in Cameron´s eyes, he went to his room and slammed the door, leaving a sobbing Allison behind. She felt like she had failed. Again.

Once she stopped crying, Cameron made her way to her room to pack her things when the door bell rang. Slowly making her way to the door, she opened it to find a woman standing outside. Cameron recognized her immediately. Blythe House, Greg´s mother.


	16. Chapter 16

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Laura for your wonderful work again!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Author note: I can´t even describe how sorry I am that it took me so long AGAIN to update. I am truly sorry.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!NOTHING.

Dedicated to GBX

Chapter 16

They ate in silence that afternoon. While House and Cameron tried to overcome the shock of seeing Blythe House at the door, the older woman decided to leave them alone and cook a nice meal for them.

Blythe House wasn't stupid. She knew a lie when she heard one and was an excellent judge of character. One could say she was the nicer, female version of her son. This made House go crazy. He knew eventually she would find out what was going on here and it frightened him to no end. House could lie to anyone except his mother.

As they sat at the table, the silence was unbearable and Cameron was grateful when Blythe started to talk about her last vacation. All Cameron had to do was to nod and smile. She tried to eat a little but it was hard.

„Oh dear, don´t you like the fish I made? I can cook something else for you if you want me to."

Allison jumped slightly in her chair when she heard Blythe talking to her.

„No, Mrs. House, the fish is really wonderful! I guess I'm too tired. I am sorry but..."

Blythe smiled warmly at her.

„No need to apologize, dear! You do look a bit tired. Please call me Blythe, though. Mrs. House sounds so old. Why don't you go take a nap? Maybe we can visit the town tomorrow, that is if you don´t have any other plans."

Cameron smiled sadly. Blythe was wonderful and she would love to spend some time with her but she had to go. It was better this way.

„I am sorry, Blythe, but this is my last evening here. I'm leaving tomorrow."

„Is it because of me? I didn´t mean to disturb you two."

Cameron shook her head.

„No, I planned to leave long before you came."

„Are you going home?"

„Kind of."

„I bet you don´t have to work since tomorrow is Saturday. Do you have a family or a pet waiting for you?"

Cameron just shook her head.

„Then please stay, dear. I would love to spend some time with you and Greg. I bet my son would love to have you stay, too! Wouldn't you, Gregory?"

House felt like a trapped animal when he saw his mother smiling at him, waiting for an answer. Facing away, he tried to sound indifferent when he spoke.

„Cameron can stay if she wants to."

Blythe was smiling widely now as she spoke to the young woman next to her.

„So darling, you have to stay now! I can´t wait to spend some time with you two! We´ll have so much fun. You go take a nap. don't worry about the dishes. Greg will help me clean up."

Smiling warmly at Blythe and completely ignoring House, Allison got up and left the two of them alone.

House knew there was no way to avoid what was coming, so he waited for his mother to start grilling him.

„Greg, are you alright? You didn't talk much during dinner."

„I was listening and you told me once that interrupting other people is rude."

Blythe smiled at her son.

„Well, you really did listen to me sometimes. Allison is a really nice young woman."

House rolled his eyes. Here we go, he thought.

„Mom, I know you have thousands of questions. How about leaving the small talk out and just ask? It´s not like I can do anything to avoid it."

Blythe watched her son closely before she started.

„Okay but don´t complain afterwards. So, are you and Allison together?"

„No."

„So, you´re just friends?"

House rubbed his hand over his face. His mom knew just the right things to ask.

„No, Mom. To be honest, I have no idea what to call this thing between us."

Blythe shook her head and sighed.

„Okay, you two are really strange. You´re not together, you're not even friends but you´re living here together. Please, don´t tell me you´re non-friends with benefits!"

House almost choked on the water he was drinking.

„Mom! We´re not sleeping together!"

„Then what is she doing here? Come on, Greg. Spill it out before I die of frustration! What the hell are you doing here with your former employee?"

House sighed.

„It´s complicated, Mom."

„Oh, really?" Blythe asked sarcastically. At least he knew where he got his sarcasm.

„Okay, here´s the short version: Cameron has a crappy past and got mixed up in some bad situations. In the end, she tried to kill herself and lost her job."

House turned his head toward the window. He didn´t want to see his mother's shocked face or the tears that filled her eyes.

Blythe`s voice trembled when she spoke.

„What do you mean? Was she abused?"

House sighed.

„I don´t know because she won't talk about it but I can hear her screaming every night. She pleads with her husband to stop hurting her and to stop drinking. That´s all I understood and honestly, that´s enough."

„And what do you mean by bad situations? Her eating disorder?"

„Her eating disorder and drugs. She was high when she tried to kill herself. I found her in the psychiatric ward and..."

„And you brought her here to recover," Blythe stated.

House could only nod.

They sat in silence, both thinking and staring into the night until Blythe spoke again.

„I am proud of you,"

House laughed sarcastically.

„Proud? There's no reason for you to be proud! I screwed it up, Mom! I did nothing to help her. I failed and you know what? Before you came, I screamed at her. I yelled like an idiot because I couldn´t take this whole depression thing anymore. I really tried at the beginning but she just pushed me away until I exploded and threw her out. Believe me, there´s nothing to be proud of."

Blythe sighed. She wasn´t really surprised. Cameron´s red and teary eyes said enough.

„Now I understand the tension between the two of you. I am still proud of you, though. You tried to help her. Now you need to apologize and control your temper. I know it may be frustrating but at least you know how she felt when you pushed her away for years.

I know you like her, maybe more than you know and that´s why you have to fix it. This woman adores you, Greg. I can see it in her eyes and she needs you right now. Talk to her, Greg. Tell her how you feel and that you will be there for her. I know that´s hard for you but this may be your last chance for happiness and I am begging you to fight for it. You and Allison deserve happiness. Please, think about it. Good night!"

Before her son could say a word, Blythe went towards her bedroom, leaving her son alone and deep in thought.


	17. Chapter 17

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much again!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Disclaimer: Not mine

**Chapter 17**

Blythe closely watched the young woman sitting across from her at the small coffee table. Allison seemed lost in thought while her fingertips trailed along her coffee cup. Her brown curls were flying freely in the wind and the sunlight made her face seem even paler and thinner than before.

The women had a nice day so far. Blythe made a great breakfast of scrambled eggs with bacon and toast that they ate in silence. Then the older woman asked Allison to join her in the small city for a little shopping trip. Of course the young doctor took the opportunity to leave, since anything was better than spending time alone with her former boss. Instead of buying things, they found themselves walking through the streets, talking about this and that; a really nice day.

Now that they sat in silence. Blythe couldn´t stop staring at the young woman. Anyone could tell she was as beautiful as she was damaged. Her face seemed relaxed but her eyes told another story. They seemed tired and there was a shadow of pain and fear in them. She was still perfect for Greg. She was the nice and calm person Greg needed to stay balanced. They were both damaged and hurt but there was a good chance they could help each other to heal and even be happy one day. Blythe knew that she had to talk to Allison soon if she wanted her to stay with her son. Yet she was afraid she might scare the young woman away, especially since she seemed so fragile and lost.

Allison, though her mind was far away, noticed the other woman's stares and looked into Blythe´s eyes; the same eyes she knew so well from her former boss. Smiling, she began to speak, breaking into Blythe's thoughts.

„You and Greg have the same eyes but I bet you knew that. I know that look. You´re trying to figure something out and have no idea what to do now. Go on and say what you want to say. I promise not to run away."

Now Blythe had to smile, too. This woman really knew Greg quite well.

„You´re right, dear. I have a lot on my mind but I just don´t know where to start."

„Let me guess, you're thinking about Greg and me. It must have been a big surprise to find the two of us yesterday."

Blythe sighed. „It was a surprise but a wonderful one, to be honest. It´s nice to spend time with you and I would love to see you more often. I'm sure Greg enjoys spending time with you, too, even if he can´t show it."

She waited for Cameron to say something but the young woman looked out the window, clearly avoiding any eye contact since Greg's name was mentioned..

„He told me about his outburst and I know he´s truly sorry," Blythe told her.

Allison sighed and looked in Blythe's eyes again. Her voice was calm and sad when she spoke.

„I can understand him, you know. Living with me must be really frustrating. He tried so hard to come near me but I pushed him away until he couldn´t take it anymore. That would make anyone lose their temper."

Blythe shook her head. „Allison, stop blaming yourself. I know that my son pushed you away for years and you always stayed calm and patient. He had no right to yell at you and I am truly sorry that he did so but we can´t change what happened. It was hard for him to let you in and we both know that he´s not comfortable showing how he feels. I just hope this isn't the end of you and him."

Cameron let out a loud sigh.

„How can we end it if we didn´t even have the chance to start? I wouldn't have pushed him away all those years ago but so much happened and I am scared to lose again. I just can´t take any more pain. It´s all too much."

„I am here if you want to talk and I have as much time as you need."

They sat in silence until Allison spoke again. She whispered and it made the older woman shiver.

„I tried everything to forget your son. I told myself that he never loved me, that I am not good enough for him; not good enough as a woman and not good enough as a doctor. I even married another man, Chase. I was such an idiot thinking I could make myself love him. I lied to myself and it wasn't long until we divorced. I wanted to start a new life and leftbut Chase followed me and I was as stupid and weak as before. I thought it might be better to be with him than to suffer alone. Now, I hate myself for it."

Allison stopped for a while. Her pain made it impossible to speak for a moment and tears filled her eyes. This one time, though, she wanted to be strong and so she started to talk again, slowly, her voice growing stronger with every word.

„It was nice in the beginning but then Chase started to drink too much. He was a different man when he drank. He got angry and... yelled at me, threw things at me, called me names I can´t even repeat. He made me feel horrible, fat and ugly. I still feel this way and I can´t stop hating myself. Sometimes he beat me and made me believe that I deserved it. When I found him in our bedroom with two hookers, I couldn´t take it anymore and left. I found a position as Dean of Medicine at a hospital near Princeton. It was so great in the beginning. I was successful and almost forgot everything Chase put me through. My work was all I had. Even my parents are too busy to care about me. So I put everything into my work but my demons kept haunting me and it was too much again. I was scared to lose everything and soon I needed drugs to function, more and more each day. One day it was all too much and I tried to kill myself. I was found and saved. I lost my job. I lost everything I had and ended up in rehab where Greg found me. I feel like a failure and I guess it´s best if I leave Greg. He deserves someone better."

Blythe found herself unable to speak. Tears rolled down her face and she was shocked at how calm Allison was as she talked about her life as if she had given up and didn't matter. It broke Blythe´s heart that this beautiful and talented young woman had given up all hope. It seemed an eternity until Blythe spoke.

„I am so sorry that you had to go through all that but I am begging you not to give up. I know it´s hard but you´re too wonderful and too important to stop fighting. Greg knows that, too, or he wouldn´t have brought you here. Please give him one last chance. You both deserve happiness."

Cameron nervously chewed on her lower lip. For a split second she wished she had never met Blythe. It would have been so much easier but now it was too late and deep inside she was grateful to be here, even if it meant facing her fears and demons.

„All I want is to see Greg happy. I stopped caring about myself long ago and I know that he can´t be truly happy with me. I am too damaged. He needs somebody stronger and better than I could ever be. He deserves more,." Cameron replied her voice trembling.

„You both deserve more, Allison! You´re both damaged but that´s not the point here. I never saw him look at a woman the way he looks at you. He didn't even look at Stacy the way he looks at you. Don't you see it in his eyes when he looks at you? Believe me, as his mother, I know him better than anyone else. He loves you, my dear. You may not believe it but he really does."

Cameron just sat there, unable to say a word. Her mind was spinning from all she heard and she started to feel weak again. Her face got pale and she shivered as if she had chills. She couldn´t understand what Blythe was saying but she sounded very worried and before Cameron knew it, she was sitting in the car, heading back to House. The next thing she remembered afterwards was being guided into the small cottage. Looking into House's beautiful blue eyes, her world went black.

Faces and voices were everywhere. She could see her parents and her brother. They were ignoring her. Suddenly they disappeared and Chase came, holding his arm high, about to hit her again when House stepped between them, protecting her from everything. Then there was Blythe. She smiled softly and caressed her hair, telling Cameron how much he loved her. Greg loves you – Greg loves you – Greg loves you; like a mantra.

Then her world grew silent again and through her closed lids, Cameron could feel the soft sunshine. Slowly she opened her eyes and found herself looking into House's eyes again but this time he looked concerned and they seemed darker than usual. Looking away, she saw she was in her room. She must have slept a long time because the sun was going down. Without taking her gaze from the window, she whispered more to herself than to House.

„What happened?"

„You fainted."

„I am sorry. I must have scared your mom to death."

„Nope, she´s still alive but you did give her a scare. She's fine now and cooking dinner for us. I am more worried about you, though."

Not quite believing her ears, Cameron finally turned her head and looked at the man sitting beside her bed. He really looked worried.

„I am okay now. Fainting won´t kill me."

House shook his head in frustration but tried to keep his voice calm. He didn't want to scare her.

„This isn´t about a fucking fainting spell but about you. You can´t bury everything inside. You have to let it all out before it kills you. Stop playing the ice queen here. That´s not who you are. You´re Cameron. Tthe beautiful, young doctor with a huge heart full of love, hope and passion for everything she does. You have to start fighting now. Do whatever you want. Scream, cry, or hit me. I don´t fucking care but do something and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You´re alive and I won´t let you die. You´ve still got a chance. Take it!"

When he finished speaking, the tears she kept inside for so long came pouring out. It was if a wall around her heart broke into a thousand pieces. Suddenly she felt strong arms holding her close as she sobbed into his broad chest.

They sat like this for a very long time. Cameron cried for everything that happened to her while House held her close, stroking her soft hair, murmuring calming words into her ear until they fell asleep, exhausted from everything that happened.

When she woke up the next morning, he was already gone and she wondered whether she dreamed it all but then she smelled his scent on her pillow. Getting up slowly, she went to the bathroom, preparing herself for a new day.

House was already sitting at the breakfast table along with his mother when he heard the soft click of the doorknob. He looked up and saw Cameron come in, her bare feet nearly noiseless on the cold kitchen floor. When he looked at her, everything stood still for a moment and he was speechless. Could this young woman really be his Cameron?

Her „Good morning" was a mere whisper, almost shy. The way she moved her hips and held her head while walking to the table was different now. Instead of looking down like before, she did her best to hold her head up high again, and moving with more confindence than before. When she sat down across from him at the table, House looked into her eyes and almost smiled. Her once flat green-grey eyes seemed brighter and greener again and if he looked close enough, her eyes seemed to shine. When she reached for the toast, her skinny arms still showed every bone but the amount of butter she put on her bread made even the grumpy diagnostician hopefu.. Her pale skin combined with her brown curls made her look truly beautiful and the soft blush on her cheek was adorable. Although House had no idea what happened to her since yesterday, he couldn´t stop feeling more positive again. The dark and sad aura around her seemed to be fading away slowly and he truly enjoyed just sitting there, watching her talk to his mother.

One hour later, House closed the front door. Blythe was gone and he was alone with Allison again. Turning around, he saw her standing on the balcony. Her hair was blowing freely in the warm wind, along with the white dress she wore. Standing beside her, House looked at her and was sure that she would walk away from him because he was too close to her. Still she stayed and even turned her head towards him, smiling.

They stayed like until House looked away and she broke the silence between them.

„Thank you for yesterday. Thank you for staying with me instead of running away," she told him

House just nodded and silence stretched between them again. He knew he had to say something but emotional rambling wasn´t his strong suit and he hated himself for sounding like an idiot because of the uncertainty in his voice.

„Cameron, listen. I am sorry for yelling at you. I truly am. It was idiotic and wrong. Of course you can stay here as long as you want. It´s not even bad having you around to be honest and I bet it´s better than staying in the loony bin."

She knew how hard this must have been for him to admit and smiled softly. She'd always known he had a softer side and now she she saw it.

„It´s okay, House. No need to apologize. It was partly my fault, too. Let´s forget about all this, okay?"

„Okay but it wasn´t your fault, not even partly. It was mine but I don´t want to discuss this anymore since we both know that I am always right. Just tell me that you´re staying. That´s all I need to hear."

„I am staying and I´ve decided to fight again. You were right with everything you said yesterday. I will take my chance and fight."

House smirked. „Told you I was always right. Let the fight begin!"


	18. Chapter 18

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Twin!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Disclaimer: Not mine

I can´t even tell you how sorry I am for letting you wait SO long for a new chapter! I am sorry, truly sorry and will do my best to update sooner from now on. I promise.

**Chapter 18**

**Like a phoenix from the ashes **

Cameron changed over the next few weeks and House was proud, although he would never admit it. He loved to see her holding her head high with a cute and determined expression on her face. Her outfits weren´t boring black anymore but more colorful and confident, showing that she wasn´t so dangerously skinny. But what he admired most about her was that she found her smile again. How he loved seeing it! He took every chance to make her laugh again. Her beautiful face was perfect then and her giggling was his favorite sound.

But he knew that things would get harder. He was supposed to return to work next Monday and to make things worse he was forced to attend a stupid fundraiser party again. No matter how hard he tried, there was no escape.

House knew that he had to make a decision about Cameron very soon. There were only two options: leaving her on her own and hoping she would survive somehow or taking care of her for a little bit longer.

He sighed loudly into the night and scratched his head while looking out of the window as if there was an answer waiting for him. He hated to admit it but she was fun being around lately. It seemed so natural to see her in his kitchen preparing dinner for both of them. He couldn't remember the last time he spent the night alone in front of the television. She was growing on him but it was a very dangerous thing. They were both quite damaged and together they seemed like a ticking bomb on the first view. But then the thought entered his mind that maybe this was the reason why everything turned out so well until now. Cuddy never accepted that he was damaged and tried to change him whenever she got the chance but Cameron never even tried that. She took his shit and it was almost as if she didn´t even care. She seemed to accept him and his mood, his sarcasm and everything that was so much a part of him. It wasn´t even complicated to live with her. Everything seemed so easy with her at his side and he found himself caring more about her than any other person in his life. Deep inside he knew that Cameron could be the right woman for him and she was definitely the only person in his life that never really disappointed him. That was something for which he was truly thankful.

Knowing that all these thoughts wouldn´t help him tonight, he stood up and went to the kitchen in search of his scotch. He froze when he heard voices coming from Cameron´s bedroom. House cringed when he realized that she was having a nightmare again. He hated nights like these but since dealing with crying women was not his strongest suit, he chose to ignore it and hoped she would wake up soon. Just as House sat down on the couch with his full glass, he heard soft footsteps coming closer.

"Couldn´t sleep?"

Cameron almost screamed when she heard his voice from behind her.

"Geez, House. One day you´ll give me a heart attack! I had a nightmare again. What about you?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

"Same here. I dreamed about Cuddy again. Have you ever seen her naked? Guess not. Man, you have no idea how scary she is! Not sure if Nolan can help me with that trauma. That´s too much for a sensitive man like me to take!"

There was her beautiful giggling again and House found himself smiling like an idiot when he heard it.

Silence stretched between them. Both followed their own thoughts until House couldn´t take it anymore and his mouth was faster than his brain again.

"Looks like we have to attend a fundraiser party on Sunday. I tried my best but there´s no way out."

Even through the darkness, he could see the shocked expression on Cameron´s beautiful face.

"Wait, what do you mean "we"? You have to attend the party since you work for Cuddy."

"That´s true. I have to go because I work for Cuddy and you have to go because you work for me."

If the situation wasn´t so serious, House would have laughed out loud when he saw her shocked and surprised face.

"Since when? We both know that I can´t go back. I can´t work for her after all that happened and we both know that she will never take me back even if I wanted to work for you."

"She will take you back. Trust me."

"She won´t! Stop this. It´s not funny anymore!"

House sighed loudly and looked into her beautiful eyes when he spoke.

"It wasn´t meant to be funny. Trust me, Cameron, you will work for me again. I'm not leaving you on your own so don't even try to argue with me about this. You´re not ready to face your shit alone. Let me take care of Cuddy. We´re leaving Sunday morning and you will stay in my apartment. End of discussion."

When the last word was spoken, House immediately regretted that his harsh tone. It just came out that way. However, seeing Cameron looking worried with unshed tears in her eyes and knowing that it was all his fault made him feel even worse.

Not knowing what to say, he reached out and gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, sighing loudly. His tone was calm again and almost like a whisper when he spoke.

"Listen Cam, I am sorry. I didn´t meant to upset you but I refuse to leave you alone. Not here, not in your apartment and not in my apartment while I am at work. I want to have you near me. Don´t worry about Cuddy. I promise to take care of her. You trust me, right?"

She nodded silently and moved closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder while his arm slidaround her waist. They stayed like this for a long time, both deep in thought again until they drifted into a peaceful sleep.

The drive to House´s apartment was a very quiet one. Since that night, neither of them spoke about work, Cuddy or the fundraiser party.

Soon Cameron found herself in front of the large mirror in House´s bedroom, her hands nervously removing invisible wrinkles on her red floor-length halter neck dress. The slim shape caressed her new curves in a very sexy but classy way. The dress combined with her soft curls left House, who was standing at the door breathless and speechless.

When he sensed that she was a nervous wreck deep inside, he slowly made his way behind her and embraced her slim waist. For a second she seemed shocked but then she came to her senses and she leaned into his touch as if searching for comfort. Closing her eyes, Cameron tried to calm herself but when she felt his hot breath caressing her neck, her pulse started to race but this time not from fear.

House´s closed lips were caressing her soft and delicate neck, leaving goose bumps on her skin. He felt himself growing intoxicated with her scent and the feel of her skin under his lips. He tried to memorize every single second since he couldn´t remember when a simple touch had left him so breathless and in need for more. Slowly his lips were travelling to her ear, first nibbling softly at her ear lobe and then whispering softly:

"You´re going to be the most beautiful woman at this fucking party and you´re going with me. The best win-win situation ever, you know. Don´t worry, I won´t leave your side. I´ll even follow you to the bathroom. Come on, Cam. Show them how amazing you are. Show them all that you´re like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Come on, let´s rock this stupid fundraiser and Cuddy will have an evening she´ll never forget. We both know you can do this."

His long tongue found the inside of her ear and the soft moan that came out of her mouth left House grinning smugly. When his arms released her slim waist, his hand found her hand and together they made their way to his car.

Let the party start again.


	19. Chapter 19

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Twin!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Disclaimer: Not mine

**Chapter 19**

**Only human**

When House and Cameron arrived at the party, most of the people were already there. They made their way slowly through the crowd and House took hold of her waist again when he felt her shaking slightly. Of course people were staring but House´s grim look was enough to shut everybody up.

When they reached the open bar, he ordered their drinks and looked around while Cameron sipped her wine silently.

"House, here you are!"

Turning around he couldn´t help but grin. Although his best friend betrayed him, he did miss Wilson during the last few weeks.

Wilson started to speak when he spotted Cameron beside House and saw they were standing very close to each other. He snapped his mouth closed when he saw House's hand around Cameron's waist.

Neither of them knew what to say because so much happened that affected their relationship during the last week and it was House who saved them all for once.

"Look Wilson, this fundraiser shit is enough for us to deal with tonight. Don't make it even harder. I know we all have to talk but this isn'tt the right time or place."

Wilson was shocked when he saw the serious expression on his best friend´s face. Wilson had never seen himlike this. It was almost as if he was protecting Cameron, something the House he knew would never do. Wilson nodded. There was no time for small talk because just as House finished speaking, they saw Cuddy with some possible donors on their way towards them. Feeling Cameron stiffen, House pulled her closer and waited calmly until the shrill voice of his boss reached them.

"And this ladies and gentlemen is Doctor Gregory…" She didn´t get further when she noticed Cameron standing close, far too close, to House.

"What the devil with her twins wanted to say was that I am House, yes the House, world renowned diagnostician, yada yada yada. This here is Doc Wilson, the saver of all the bald people and this beautiful lady beside me is Doctor Allison Cameron, the new second in command of my diagnostician department. Any other questions? No? Finally! Now we have to go, the open bar is waiting!"

Cuddy was not only speechless but so angry that she seemed ready to explode like a firework though she had trouble hiding her anger.

"Well, I will introduce you our other doctors," she told the two donors. "House, we´ll see each other Monday morning. In my office."

Without looking back, she stormed away, the nervous donors trailing behind her.

Finally Cameron found her voice again.

"Please tell me that I am dreaming!"

"Would it be a good or bad dream?"

"House, stop it and be serious! We´re both dead on Monday!"

"Wait, don´t tell me Cuddy didn´t know about Cameron working for you till now?" Wilson interrupted.

House sighed. "Are you two really scared of this so called Dean? Sorry, she´s I never respected her. Besides, she wasn´t very respectful to us either or did you forge that already, Wilson? Stop worrying so much. I know what I do and I thought you trusted me."

Wilson just sighed since he knew that House was right and there was no way to stop him. All he could hope now was that these two people would accept his apology one day and that House was right.

Still, Cameron refused to give up so fast.

"House, it´s not like you respect anyone! Just leave this. I will find another job soon. Don´t worry about me."

"I respect you and that´s enough for me. Let´s go home. We´re both tired. You coming?" House asked.

Cameron, near tears, nodded and followed him out. It felt overwhelming to hear something like this from House but she just couldn´t believe him because she still felt like a stupid and weak little girl. She remained silent the whole drive home which made House nervous as hell. What did he do wrong now?

They were silent as they entered House´s apartment. They sat down on the couch and several minutes passed before House spoke softly.

"Okay, what have I done?"

"Nothing."

"This doesn't seem like nothing. Spill it, Cam."

Cameron sighed loudly. After all he did for her, he deserved to know everything but certain things were still hard for her to talk about, even with him.

"You did nothing wrong. It´s just that I don´t deserve to be respected after I all did. I tried to kill myself for heaven´s sake! I took drugs to fill the emptiness inside me! None of that is worthy of respect!"

If she'd looked at House, she would have seen the anger and pain in his eyes when he looked at her. It took all his willpower not shake some sense into her since he was not really the most patient man.

"I hate these kind of conversations, Allison, and that´s why we´ll be having it once and I won´t repeat myself, understood?"

Shocked at hearing him call her by her first name, Cameron looked up and stared silently at him. She was afraid of what House would say but she nodded and he continued.

"Listen, you had a weak moment, I get it. You made a mistake but luckily you were saved and given another chance to go on. The important thing is that you took the chance and fought. Forget what you did. What matters is here and now. Stop being Little Miss Perfect all the time because that´s not possible. You´re only human and everybody makes mistakes. You took drugs? You´re not alone here, you know. There are millions of people who take them but there are only a few that overcome them and start a new drug free life like you. You don´t have to look far to find a bad example. It´s just understandable after all you´ve been through and you were alone most of the time. Stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself a second chance because you deserve it. No matter what you say or do, I´ll still respect you because you´re a fighter and even the godlike Dr. House respects fighters. Now get your pretty little ass out of this sinful dress and get ready for bed. We both need some sleep before we face Satan´s wife and her two big melon-demons."

Not wanting to see the expressions on Cameron´s face, House got up. He went to change and take a quick shower without a single glance in her direction. He knew she was crying but he hated to see tears in her eyes. When he came back, he saw her puffy red eyes but at least the tears had already dried and there was even a small smile on her beautiful face.

That night they slept both in his bed on separate sides. House insisted that she shouldn´t be alone on an uncomfortable couch and after arguing for several minutes, Cameron gave in and went into his bedroom. She silently enjoyed being near him all night long. He always had a calming effect on her and she always felt safer with him at her side. Usually it took her hours to fall into a restless slumber filled with nightmares but tonight she fell asleep almost immediately. The only thing that disturbed her sleep was the feel of his strong arms sliding around her waist and the Housian scent that filled her nostrils. She went back to sleep with a soft smile on her lips. No matter what the next day would bring, they would face it – together.


End file.
